Happy Ending

THIRDTEEN -

"Hey, it's me again.

To be honest, sometimes my head tells me something and then my heart comes and disagrees with my brain.

I can say that i got over my heartbreak and my head makes me think that i did. But if i see or hear that person, my heart comes right away to remind me that i actually am still hurting inside, that i'm trying to move on, and that i really miss him.

Again, i felt jealousy.

Jealous at how he expressed to his best friend, at how he wished his friend a happy birthday.

Again, i felt jealousy.

Because i feel like everything good is coming his way, and not my way. He deserves it, all the good things because he's actually a really nice person.

But i actually don't know if i felt jealousy because he has the close friends and company i wish to have or felt jealous because i am not the company he wants to have...

or should have."

...

Hoseok days were like a rollercoaster. Most of them started with a crying section, loneliness, resentment and anger; then ends with happiness, peace, love and fun.

He just wanted to settle for one single group of feelings, of emotions.  All of that made him feel so drained, he didn't feel like having the energy to do his work or homework most of the time.

He felt like he was failing with most of the things on his life... he felt like everyone was better than him on everything.

Then Jungkook came into his life.

He makes Hoseok feel really happy, he makes him forget about the things he's going through. He's like his savior, that picked him up and it's helping him heal slowly.

Hoseok honestly appreciate Jungkook's friendship, because without asking, he offered Hoseok his company whenever he wants.

And now after confessing to him how he feels towards him, something inside him it's more relaxed He feels now like he can actually move on, even though he still panics whenever he hears Doyun near him.

But writing has helped him take out all this frustrations, anxiety, and sadness off his body.  And Jungkook has definitely helped him as well.

He just wants to see the day when he is totally happy and feel nothing when he sees Doyun.

Sometimes he feels so tired of getting all this confusing emotions on his chest, he want to be free and feel no pain of any kind. Then there is other times where he feels like he will lose Jungkook's love and gentleness too.

He doesn't want to go to Jungkook every time he is sad or when he feels the need to cry and be held. He wants to go to Jungkook when he is happy, to feel the need or surprising him with a cute dinner, but for that, he needs to heal.

So, Hoseok has decided to speak with Doyun about the real reason he broke up with him. Even if he get anxious or have a panick attack he needs to face it to get over it.