Stars Around My Scars - Conrad Fisher

3. Dinner Deb

I put my clothes in the dresser and then I lay on my bed. It's comfy.

Jeremiah and Belly went to the beach and the women went to a book store. I'm all by myself. All of this property, Conrad wouldn't see me smoke, would he?

I grab a cigarette and a lighter. I go sit at the pool with my feet in the water and I light up my cigarette. I start smoking it. There's just something comforting about it. I don't know what it is. I need to quit it though. If my mom died from cancer, so can I.

I sit there for about 20 minutes and then I hear footsteps. "Hey Mack." Conrad says. I take my cigarette out of my mouth and pinch it with my fingers to put it out. Then I shove it in the side pocket of my bag. I don't think Conrad noticed.

"Hey Con." I say.

"Smoking? Really? I thought I was the only one." He says. I freeze and panic. Conrad notices. "Mack, it's okay, I smoke too. I won't tell anyone." I sigh in relief.

"Thanks." I say.

"Hey, your shoe's untied." Conrad says. I look down at my bare feet. Then Conrad pushes me in. I swim up to the top and cough.

"Really?" I ask. I put my hand up so he helps me out but I pull him in and he starts laughing.

"It's a Mack Attack!" Conrad says. I laugh and smile. I smile with my teeth this time. It quickly fades though. Conrad noticed how quickly it fades. "Hey, you okay?" He asks.

I nod. "Yeah." I say. We swim around for a bit and then we get out.

"I think dinners up soon." Conrad says. "See you at dinner." He says.

"See you." I say. I grab a towel and walk up to my room. I put a dry, long sleeved, t-shirt on. I wear long sleeve shirts for one reason. I don't want anyone seeing my scars. I've been clean of self harm for a week. It's been hard but I've been pulling through. No one needs to see my scars.

I lay on my bed for a bit and stare at the ceiling. I zone out and my mind wanders to Conrad. He's changing just like me. He's not as energetic as he was three months ago. And he quit football. I know he loved football. He had to have a reason for it. A good reason. What could it be?

Then I get a knock on my door and I jump out of my thoughts. "Yeah?" I ask.

"Dinners up." Belly says.

"Okay. Be out in a minute." I say. I go into the bathroom and brush my hair and then head downstairs. I see everyone starting to sit down at the table so I go sit next to Conrad, in the last empty seat.

Jeremiah and Steven are laughing at something on Steven's phone. "Steven I swear to god if you look at that phone one more time, I'm putting it in the screen basket." Laura says.

"It's just we want to see your beautiful faces." Susannah says. "Can dinner be a screen free zone? Y'know, like the olden days." She asks.

Jeremiah grabs Steven's phone and throws it onto a chair. He starts cheering.

"Okay, okay, we get it, you've been working out." Steven says.

"Ohh, you're just jealous because Jer has a better body than you do." Bella says.

"No, it's all about the lean look now." Steven says. "Otherwise you can't wear tailored suits." He says. Everyone laughs and I smile a little.

"Tailored suits." Conrad says. He laughs.

"When are you leaving for training camp?" Steven asks Conrad. Conrad's smile drops. It's drops as quick as my smile fades away.

"He quit football." Jeremiah says. Everyone goes quiet.

"Wait really? You quit?" Steven asks.

Conrad nods. "Mm-hmm."

"Are you kidding me? I'd kill to play college football." Steven says.

"It's his decision." I say. "Not yours, Steven." I say. Steven looks shocked. "What?" I ask.

"You actually spoke more than one word to me." He says.

"So?" I ask. "Does that surprise you?"

"Yeah, actually. It does." Steven says. "But anyways, Jer and I are working at the club."

"Wait really?" Belly asks.

"Yeah, I'm lifeguarding." Jer says. "Steven is working at the snack shop."

Then Susannah gets up. "Belly and Mackenzie, I almost forgot." She says. She stands up and grabs two cards. One for me and one for Belly.

I open mine and it says, "Debutante Ball."

"I wrangled you guys some invitations to be debutantes!" Susannah says.

"Is that the thing where the girls wear white dresses and curtsy?" Belly asks.

"It's when a girl comes of age and is presented to society." Susannah says. She keeps talking about it.

"The whole deb thing is bullshit. It's for sheep." Conrad says.

"No it's not." Susannah says. She says something about being mature and Steven laughs.

"You only got me this invitation because my mom did it." I say. Everyone goes quiet.

"I didn't just get you it because of that, I mean, you are a beautiful young lady." Susannah says. "Just like your mom." She says.

I sigh. "I'll think about it." I say. "But um, I'm tired. I think I'm gonna head to bed." I say. I get up and walk into my room.

My mom was a deb. I know Susannah didn't mean to bring my mom up like that but really? A debutante ball? Would my mom want me to do this?

I go get a shower and think about what my mom would want me to do. She was a deb. I think she'd want me to be one too. I'll do it.

I put on another long sleeve t-shirt and shorts and I sign the card thing and lay it on my nightstand.

Then I hear some terrible singing. Steven. He sings in the shower like an opera and he's really bad. Then I hear Jeremiah join in and I laugh a little.

I walk downstairs and see Laura on her phone. "Hey." I say.

"Hey Mack." Laura says. "I'm proud of you." She says.

"Yeah? How so?" I ask.

"I feel like your opening up a little more. Not a lot, just a little." She says.

"Yeah. I guess I am." I say. I walk out the side door and go outside.