Stars Around My Scars - Conrad Fisher

15. Holiday No More

I wake up the next day, on the Fourth Of July. But to me, this isn't a holiday, it's just a month without my father.

I remember walking back into the house and smelling something unusual, unnatural. Then I walked into the living room and saw my dad lying on the floor. At first I wasn't sure what to do so I ran over to him and listened for a heartbeat, or a sign of life. Then I started cpr. I've been cpr certified for a while but I never really got to use it. After a minute or two, nothing happened. I gave up and started crying. I noticed the drugs all over the floor, and a piece of paper on the couch.

I picked it up and read it. It was a suicide note from my father. Saying that he was going to overdose. The knife was wrapped in the paper as well. It basically carries that memory.

I sigh and get out of bed. It's supposed to be really hot today. With three more people here, a long sleeved shirt might be a bit suspicious. I put on a light blue sports bra like top and some black Nike pro shorts. Sure, I might look like a generic high school girl, but I don't really care anymore. Then I go to the bathroom, brush my hair, and put waterproof makeup on my wrists. I look in the mirror and see the Mackenzie three months ago. The Mackenzie that sang and danced with no social anxiety. The talkative and energetic Mackenzie.

I walk downstairs and see Jeremiah and Belly sitting at the table. They are both eating cereal.

"Good morning, guys." I say. Not very energetic, but not depressing either.

"Good morning Mack." Jere says.

I grab a muffin from yesterday and I stand at the bar to eat. I'm going to help set up for the Fourth Of July anyways. Even if it's my new least favorite holiday.

Then I hear footsteps and I see Conrad walk in. His eyes go a little wider than usual when he sees me. I see him check me out but then snap back to reality.

"Oh uh, uh, hey Mack. Good morning." He says.

"Good morning." I say.

"Bold choice of an outfit today." Conrad says. "It's different that what you've been wearing."

"Yeah, I wanted to do something different today. Especially because it's going to be super hot." I say.

Conrads thoughts:

"Super hot like you, god damn."

Mack's First Person:

"Yeah, its going to be really hot." Conrad says.

Then Stevie walks in. "Are we done with the portrait yet?" He asks Susannah.

"For today." She says.

"Jere, where's the lighter fluid for the clams?" Conrad asks.

"Already on the beach." Jeremiah says. Conrad walks out.

"Belly, if you don't get a date to the deb ball, Stevie's taking you." Susannah says. I laugh a little.

"No, I'm already taking Shayla." Stevie says.

"To the deb ball?" Laurel asks, walking in.

"Yes." Stevie says.

"As an escort?" Laurel asks.

"Wrap your head around it mom, alright?" Steven says, chuckling. "She's coming over today with Nicole and Gigi, so you'll meet her." Stevie says.

Great. Now it's not just the one month anniversary of my dads death, but now I get to see Nicole. This day went from bad, to fine, to shitty.

"And the dance rehearsal is tomorrow so Belly, Mack, get dates." Susannah says.

Then Conrad walks in. "Sorry, I forgot my phone in case Cleveland texts me." He walks into another room.

"I'm asking Cam today." Belly says. Conrad walks back in.

"Asking Cam what?" Conrad asks.

"To go to the deb ball with me." Belly says.

"How about you, Mack?" Susannah asks.

"I dunno. I'll just grab some random guy off of the streets at this point." I say.

Susannah chuckles and Conrad looks at me like he wants to say something but he doesn't. He walks out.

"Wait, Laurel, are you wearing makeup?" Susannah asks.

"Yep." Belly says.

"Oooooh." Susannah says.

"So what? We're having a party." Laurel says.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with John coming to the clam bake." Susannah says, sarcastically.

"Oh please, the husbands always come for the fourth." Laurel says.

"He's not your husband anymore." Belly says. The room goes silent.

"I don't understand why you invited dad's girlfriend." Stevie says.

"Her name is Victoria." Laurel says. "Your father wanted us all to meet her." She says.

"Oh Belly, I need you to make the guest bed." Laurel says.

"Wait, they're staying here?" Belly asks. "In the room next to mine?" She asks.

"Ew, you better get used to the name Victoria. You're gonna be hearing that all night." I say. Jeremiah starts dying laughing.

"Oh, Jere, your father isn't coming." Susannah says. "He's closing a deal." Susannah says. Jeremiah looks really disappointed. Then Conrad walks in.

"You said dad's not coming?" He asks, eagerly. He doesn't seem sad at all.

"It's not the same." Jere says, sad. Conrad is leaning on the sink, smiling a little.

"What're you smiling about?" Jere asks.

"Nothing." Conrad says. He looks at me and I look at him back. He gives me a small smile and I give him one back.

Conrad and Belly go upstairs to make the bed for Victoria and John. I go upstairs to sit on my bed and stare at the ceiling and think. Belly and Stevens dad is going to be here. Almost Conrads and Jeremiah's too. But not mine. Neither of my parents.

The conversation downstairs just made me realize how bad life is going to be without parents. Not more Mother's Day or Father's Day. My kids won't even be able to celebrate grandparents day.

A tear slips down my face and then there's a knock on my open door, I look over and see Conrad. Shit. I forgot to wipe my tear.