two college student friends start fake dating to see how long they can fool a couple's therapist for the shits and giggles. then suddenly the whole school KNOWS LFMAO WHAT LOSERS
generally kinda crack???? a lot of funny stuff but the occasional ANGS...
super close to 500 reads !! tysm babes ALSO pls comment thank u for my cuties commenting <3 love u ppl
present tense — y/n pov
lowercase intended
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that night, i can't sleep. my thoughts are completely jumbled, but there is one centered coherent sentence.
PLEASELOVEMEPLEASELOVEMEPLEASELOVEMEPLEASELOVEME
for the most part, i've always had some sort of crush on danheng, but i think of it to be more ironic than it is genuinely romantic. now i think about it and im not that sure. im a little stupid.
i have his coat on my bedside- he gave me it last night because he knew i was cold. i look at him across my side of our dorm and it helps that the early morning light pours through our unblinded windows.
he always looks so angelic.
his dark messy hair is scattered in such a way that is so mathematically perfect. his skin glows-- as if he is literally the manufactured product of e.l.f's halo glow and romand's cushion foundation LMFAO, do you think he'd let me try makeup on him???
in general, he as a star in itself. the light always finds a way to hit him perfectly. the colors of his irises twinkle so softly under the sun and i--
wait. his irises.
FUCK HE is AWAKE
he slowly blinks and i rush to say "omfg staring contest i win!!!!" to SAVE MY ASS.
danheng sort of deadpans but ends up chuckling after a few moments, amused by my action. god this guy's voice in the early mornings is literally the definition of an eargasm. im so lucky he is my dormmate.
"i'd lose a lot for you, y/n."
i am about to take the sharpest inhale and FUCKING LOSE IT, but he is here so i cannot do that. danheng has such an innocent way with words but holy FUCK MAN IS SO SMOOTH WITHOUT KNOWING IT. RAIL ME.
"i'll use that against you in court when we divorce ><" i say sarcastically, averting my gaze to the ceiling. i know he is seeing my flushed face right now after what he said.
"only a fool would ever divorce you."
OMFG.
he continues adding onto his previous statement. "to anyone who would ever do something so horrid to you, i'd rail them."
I START CHOKING, LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY. "YOU WHAT????"
danheng is confused by my state of shock. "rail, like run them over with a train? isnt that what it means? like rail transport??" he claims in an exhausted manner. i just keep snickering at this idiodcy.
"yes danheng. that is what railing means," i shake my head, still chuckling at the end. "wyd if mr. clean does that to me??"
"same thing," he answers with no hesitation. "i would rail mr. clean."
i smile and nod along.
—
"bruh i'm so hungry u think i can order canes??" i ask danheng in the middle of our stats 460 lecture. the professor seems to be ranting on about his own personal love life. he's so me.
danheng's grey eyes glance at my direction, his left. "are you hungry?" he asks to follow my original question. i simply nod. like he is prepared, he reaches into his grey handbag and whips it out.
goldfish.
(we're not at that level yet. it's okay.)
he places it in my table and i start smiling in appreciation. "oh my god danheng you actual lifesaver thank you so much <33 i'll pay u back with a sloppy later!"
"a sloppy?"
"a slurpee!"
i dismiss my previous statement and find myself amused at his confused face. i open the bag but i struggle a bit in doing so. one of them ends up falling onto his notebook.
danheng takes his nimble fingers and picks it up, lifting my chin with his other hand and placing the goldfish in my mouth.
i stare at him for two seconds in a state of low energy shock and smile awkwardly. "thanks dude. you a real one." i start chewing.
he returns a soft smile and runs his hand briskly through his dark hair, then focusing back on the lecture. i avert my gaze elsewhere and rack my mind for what the fuck just happened.
danheng has a very funny habit of doing things that get me flustered easily in a very platonic manner. i have no idea how to read this guy.
from behind, i feel a tap on my shoulder. i can tell by the light pressure that it is himeko. turning my position around against my chair, i face my redhead friend.
"y/n... you got game with danheng," she silently whispers with a wink. i choke a bit on my goldfish, covering my heated face with my hands.
"no himeko, it's danheng rizzing me up," i quietly groan and she lightly chuckles in response.
"he's so into you," she smirks, twirling her pen within her fingers. wow. i wish i was her pen. jk.
mostly.
i shake my head in my flustered state and disagree, "stop feeding into my delusions." she simply shrugged.
i turn back to face the board, but it's pretty much just diagrams of how messy my professor's love life is.
"yeah so my wife left me for three other guys so i got a husband but apparently he was my long lost cousin so i found another guy and he turned out to be a pile of rats. is it that hard to ask to be loved by someone who is humane and socially acceptable by society???"
"WHAT," i choked out, beginning to feel my voice box convulse and squiggle in my throat like a pack of wet mice.
danheng is a bit shocked too, judging by his strange expression. he looks like he just witnessed a bag of wieners erupt from a monkey's small intestine. oo oo a a
"yo danheng when can you send the 💊?" sampo asks from his right. i stare at him questionably and wait for danheng to answer.
"i must remind you again that i am not a drug dealer. well, not yours anyway."
i harden my gaze towards danheng, he was implying that he was someone else's drug dealer. danheng on steroids <3
sampo bears a dejected expression on his face. "i guess that makes sense. you and y/n are a thing after all," he continues, winking slyly.
i blink once and danheng stares silently. himeko let's a light gasp out and grabs my shoulders from behind, leaning forward.
"y/n??? you lied to me??" she yells, but in a hushed manner so danheng and sampo cannot hear. i shake my head vigorously, not understanding what was happening.
"....surprise,,??¿???" i chuckle nervously, himeko's eyes widening in surprise. then it quelled into a "i knew it" stare.
danheng softly smiles and nods along. he eventually responds.
