Lost in Enmity

Chapter Four

Build's arms embraced his torso in an effort to make himself as small as possible. He stood by the couch watching his son. They had laid out all of the bags on the porch and Wichapas picked through them. The living room was quickly filled with boxes of legos and bags of miscellaneous toys. Grey was exploring his new surroundings while Bear shouted and jumped much like he did Christmas morning. The year prior, Build had recorded the moment for his father and for Wichapas.

That joyful excitement was the only thing keeping Build in place. There was a weird urge to run, a tingling under his skin. But his son would turn to meet his eyes to share some of his happiness and he remained frozen, captivated by the beauty and wonder of his happiness. The elation was impossible to resist, it made every worry worth the effort.

Build had an excuse to step away when Aom came in with a brand new box and litter. He made himself busy by setting it up in a small corner of the living room. He smiled when Grey came to it right away, petting him as he went into the large covered box. When he looked up, he realized Bible was watching him.

"Thank you," Wichapas mouthed out the words. Build nodded back with a bow.

As he made his way back to the mansion, Build felt fatigued. Like somehow, the air had become thin and his lungs did not have enough of it. He practically stumbled into Aom as he walked back into the mansion.

"Khun Jakapan, do you need anything?" Aom picked up the empty litter box he carried. The plan was to take it to the recycle bin, but he walked right past it.

"No, I was just going to give them their space and stay in my studio until dinner." He was going to move along, but turned upon remembering. "Actually, Aom, can you take a couple of pictures of them playing? I totally forgot. I'm sure Phaw would love to see them."

"Yes, sir," Aom nodded and Build scurried away, taking the stairs two at a time and jogging down the hall.

The moment he closed the doors of the studio, Build's knees finally gave up the act. He slid down until he was sitting on the cold cement floor. With a heavy sigh, he tried to compose himself thinking through the events of the last hour. He was stuck on one particular scene; Bible smiling at him from the floor of the guest-house.

He had somehow miscalculated how little interaction he had with his husband in the last four years. Though Bible was familiar to him, he still felt like a stranger for some reason. Build struggled to comprehend how a stranger could look at him like that. How a stranger could feel so intimate, but distant at the same time. It was enough to make his head spin.

The last year, as Bear started his pre-kindergarten, conversation had picked up slightly between Bible and Build. Calls about extra curricular activities and behavioral updates were needed. It wasn't a regular occurrence, but Bear was the only topic ever discussed.

The weight of the load of questions he wanted to ask pressed hard. It had stopped feeling so heavy once, but Bible's presence and his new demeanor must have doubled the batch.

"He's your husband, you can ask him yourself." Build's father's voice rumbled in his memory and Build closed his eyes. Though he felt that burn before a sob, only a chuckle stumbled out. That cynical sound when everything is just so absurd it borders on satire. He was married, then divorced, then never actually divorced to the same man and he still couldn't ask a personal question to.

_

Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes. Would you like me to get the boys or would you like to?

Build had been sketching when Aom's message came in. He looked down at the outfit he had drawn and exhaled, throwing the H2 pencil at the desk. 'The boys' he repeated to himself as he texted a quick reply. It had been a couple of hours and he was curious to see what his son and Wichapas were up to. He closed his notebook and hid it under a pile of letters and fabric swatches.