Lost in Enmity

Chapter Sixteen

Kantee was exhausted. It was obvious to Build as he adjusted the blankets over him and swept his hair back. His pink cheeks were just the right temperature. Bear's arms were outstretched to his sides, hands balled into adorable fists. Build couldn't help but pick one up to give it a kiss, letting the smell of lavender soothe him.

Build found great serenity in seeing his son sleeping so soundly. Kneeling beside him and holding his hand felt like visiting a sanctuary. It signaled the end of that long and confusing day and with it, the troubles that plagued him.

"I didn't see a genuine smile on your face until Kantee was born. He was the only thing that put some life in your eyes."

Bear's arrival did change everything. Build's heart bloomed the day of his birth. The ice over his heart had melted, and finally the petals could stretch and expand. Kantee took away the hierarchy and reduced the contemptibility to a tolerable level. But Wichapas must have forgotten the most crucial detail.

The only reason Build could feel that way about Kantee was because he was Wichapas' biological offspring. The marriage was what allowed Build to love Bear as his own son too. And that ice that had melted over his heart wasn't because of Kantee; it was because of that one night where the wine had aided his need in overwriting the resentment.

"I want to wake up next to you, Biu." The echo of those words had Build kissing his son's fist one more time to center himself.

In the safety of his sanctuary, he tried his best to find the memory of his cowardice. He remembered waking with a pounding headache. His body was stiff. His legs felt weak and heavy. It only took him a few seconds to remember what happened. Sure enough, Bible slept next to him on his side, his left hand was resting over Build's forearm. The heat he emanated was the only thing that was a vivid recollection.

Build had barely even given it a second thought; he scrambled to gather some clothes. The soreness he felt terrified him further. Trembling hands tried to close the door without making any unnecessary noise.

He ran to the adjacent room and turned the lock in a haze, stumbling on a nearby ottoman as he tried to catch his breath. There were tears in his eyes. He wanted to shower, but instead he crawled into bed. Where he cried until he fell asleep. Build also recollected how cold his bed was in comparison to the bed he had just left.

He wasn't exactly sure why he was crying then, and even after so long he still didn't quite get it. Build hadn't hated it, actually it was enjoyable, but he felt empty and scared.

The memory brought with it a wave of pain, a familiar heaviness that made his chest ache. It was likely the reason why he didn't want to remember. The entire thing was confusing and it made him feel incredibly lonely. That feeling had Build giving his son one last kiss.

"Go check on, Teddy. Then come back to me, please." Those words guided him. Though they carried a pleading sentiment, they were a demand. Build knew it because Wichapas' sharp obsidian eyes had told him so.

Build left his son's room with hurried steps because there was a fear that the emptiness he once felt would come back. Build wanted a second chance at a warmer bed than he was used to. A second chance at remembering every detail, and at being less scared.

"I'll be like a dog at your door." Bible's words echoed again and Build caught himself smiling.

He hated how much he enjoyed the sound of that. A dark part of Build was prepared to do anything to make those words a fact. He selfishly wanted his husband to feel even more desperate than he felt. Build was sure that would be the only way Wichapas Sumettikul would belong to him and not the aristocracy. It gave him a thrill just thinking about it.