Lost in Enmity

Chapter Nine

Build woke up as he turned on his back. The ceiling was decorated in light blue clouds, the glow-in-the-dark stars still bright in their luminescent glow. The soft smell of lavender surrounded him. He was in his son's room.

A memory came to him with a punch. Palms flat on the mattress as he looked up at his husband. The old stretched shirt he wore fell loose, exposing most of his chest.

"Yes, please." The tone of his voice pleaded for more than just a night-time story.

Build remembered how Bible's obsidian eyes blinked and stared at him. A youthful perplexion like he was both excited and confused. Build felt flush under his gaze. He looked away before he exposed any more of his disposition.

A tiny prayer for any god that was listening was necessary to gather enough courage to look around the dark room. Beside him his son slept, a deep sleep, breathing like the sound of the ocean at night. Next to him, asleep on his side, arms wrapped around himself, was Wichapas.

Build looked back at the ceiling and tried to calm his heart, his breath was also tied up in a knot in his sternum. He blamed the alcohol and exhaustion. He even blamed coach Luuk for getting under his skin. He could hardly believe the fool he felt and because of that Build finally came to the realization: he had changed also.

Build chanced another glimpse at his husband. He stared at the sharp outline of Wichapas' cheekbones as he slept. The way his pouty mouth was relaxed and slightly parted as he breathed. His serene brows made his eyes look extra gentle.

It wasn't just that he wasn't allowed to pick his own partner, but that the person chosen was such a grand price. Since the beginning of the marriage he knew he was attracted to Bible, but so was everybody else. Wichapas walked into a room and he was the center of it. Build was forced into the shadow behind him. He resented that, and he was also perplexed by it. There were so many families that were wealthier and more connected, but his father was a great sales-man.

"They think you were a pawn used by your dad. Is that true?" Sofia's voice echoed.

Build remembered how he would listen for the sound of Bible's door when he had first moved in, he would set his schedule around it. Avoiding eye contact as much as he could before they started working together and after they did, he would face Wichapas' eyes with all the hostility he could muster. The day after they slept together, Build had felt anger at his weakness.

Bible was stoic, hard-headed and sometimes had a terrible temper, but Build couldn't deny he was not the easiest to get along with. He challenged him at every turn and rejected a connection. But Bear forced their cooperation and shortened the gap. Build assumed that the distance of those four years had added a little extra to the mix, because something in him felt shaken. The fight he once had was gone.

Prying his eyes away from his husband's face he finally noticed that he had changed clothes. The last time Build had seen him, he was wearing a white shirt, but he had switched to a black one. His hair was pulled back in a bun and still looked a bit damp. Wichapas had left to bathe and had come back to bed to join them.

The realization made Build's mind spiral and his chest tightened hard enough he was sure his heart would suffocate. His ears burned hot, hands were sweating. He sat up carefully, and the blanket over him crumbled over his lap. He stared down at it and felt like maybe the wine he drank would come right back out.

Build slipped out of the bed and tiptoed out of the room. He ran the rest of the way to his room. The stumbling came as he neared the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before he hurled. As he tried to compose himself a different wave overwhelmed him. He flushed the bowl and sat back against the wall allowing the sobs to run through him.