Lost in Enmity

Chapter Thirteen

There was a loud buzzing in Build's ears. He closed his eyes and aimed his focus on trying to control his breathing, but it felt like his chest would cave into sobs. And that was the one thing he absolutely couldn't allow. He couldn't cry in front of Wichapas, and especially not after what Luuk said. The accuracy of those awful words was enough of an embarrassment.

The coach couldn't have hit home any harder. Build felt like he was wasting away in a loveless marriage where he had already been abandoned once. No matter how hard he tried to prevent it, the feelings for the man who didn't love him had grown into something. Something that caused him to feel deprived and vacant.

There was a scrape against the linoleum, and the sound made the hair on Build's arms stand on end. Ego was the only thing keeping his tears at bay. He was definitely shivering, though he didn't feel cold. All he could feel was that tight grip on his composure loosening.

"Biu." Wichapas calling for him did not have the same effect that it did back in the guesthouse. It didn't even sound like the same thing; there was no pleading undertone. It was just a quick statement, dry and void. Build hung his head and his forehead creased. Why was it painful?

"Kantee is looking for you." The second set of words had a softer sound, but it did nothing to remedy the ache.

"I'll be there in a minute." Build spoke, but it was a strained and barely audible noise. He focused back on the short inhale and the extra long exhale of breath and hoped his husband would walk out and let him keep his pride.

It felt like forever, but it was probably a few minutes before Wichapas walked out of the bathroom. Build slumped the moment he looked up and saw he was finally alone. His torso crumbled forward as his hands cradled his face.

"Maybe if you did, your husband wouldn't walk around looking like discarded goods." The words echoed and they kicked just as hard as they did the first time, and Build cursed behind his hands. The tears came soon after, and he hurried to wipe them away.

"I know I have been gone for a long time. I am back now and I would appreciate it if you stayed away from my husband." Remembering Wichapas' words was an unraveling. Build hurried to one of the stalls, sure his breakfast would come tumbling out of him, but instead he just choked and coughed. His knees finally gave up their pretense; he fell back against the stall wall and slid down to the ground. The pain of the hit was a welcome distraction. He wished he could lose himself to the blur of it, the numbness in the back of his head.

Build waited for the room to stop spinning before standing up, but it took him about ten more minutes to gather the courage to reach the door of the bathroom. He walked slowly to give his legs some more time. All he wanted was to get back to his son, to see his smile and know that not everything was lost.

Raising Kantee was the one thing he did right, that one task that he and Wichapas were able to navigate together without too much trouble. It was all they had.

"Phaw!" Bear noticed his father first and left the table to run to him. Build wrapped him up in a hug and pressed his forehead to his son's neck, trying desperately to find his center of gravity. "Gan is going back to the field after pizza to play some more. Can I go too?"

Build pulled back to look at his son's Bambi eyes, but even those didn't bring him the comfort he was seeking. Kantee was the spitting image of his father, a reminder that no matter how strong their bond, their DNA was not the same. Even their son was more Wichapas' than his.

"Did you ask, Papa?"

Bear nodded and Build finally began to walk toward their sitting area. "He said I had to ask you."