Priscilla

S2 ⭒ Episode Two

"When I think about you, I touch myself..."
♪ I Touch Myself • Divinyls.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, FUCK YOU

Priscilla Wolfe

"Fuck you, Frankenstein." For the fourth time in the hour, I peel back my sleep mask and stare at the ceiling.

By Ten PM every single day, I'm beat. But tonight, I can't sleep no matter how hard I try and it's because Halen's words are stuck playing on a loop inside my head and they have been ever since I left, Sunday.

It did feel like I was running away and I didn't like that, but, I needed space away from everyone. I needed a cleansing period of reflection to think about who I am and why what Halen says, bothers me so much.

I decided to stop fighting and to take the mature route and do some self care by myself. And that's when I came to the conclusion that maybe Halen isn't so wrong after all.

I'm perfect, and I'm beautiful, and I want to be that that way forever. I'm a control freak. I like order. I like cleanliness. I like things my way, no matter what. I know that and I'm okay with the fact that I'm that way. It's ingrained into my being, it has been for a long time.

But, not everyone is.

I have an awful habit of outwardly projecting every ounce of who I am onto others because I don't just think I'm better than everyone around me, I believe it. Even with my friends who I love and cherish more than anyone.

And that's not fair.

Which draws me back to why I'm even the way I am in the first place and the cycle continues.

Breaking the rules— even with something so simple as dancing without shoes in the common room with Daisy, that scared me. It felt like I was being watched, like I was being looked down on, like I was doing what my mother always said I was: "Running off to New York to whore myself out and live off the lamb with no stability."

When in reality, I was dancing with my best friend for the first time... ever.

I was only dancing.

And it felt nice.

I like to dance. That's not so bad, right?

"Ugh." I sit up and my head falls into my hands. I chew the inside of my bottom lip until it starts to pulse and eye my laptop sitting on the coffee table in front of my sectional bed.

I grab it and open it up; resting it onto my thighs. I log into my account and open my profile page on RX.

I think for a second about going to watch my old live streams, to see exactly what Halen means, but on my sidebar, with updates about the people I follow, there's a new post from him on his RX verified account—BATE5.

It's his first in years and I can tell by the fact that it's on the top of my alerts, that it's gaining attraction.

I click on it, only to realize that there's a live chat feed coming off of the post where around a thousand people are talking.

I never get more than five hundred.

It seems there's no photo or video and for that I'm relieved, but his status update almost makes me laugh.

It just says, 'HI.'

All of the comments he's replied to are pinned as well, and they're all in caps.

Someone asked if he's coming back, he said, 'YES.' Someone else asked where he was, he said, 'GONE.'

I'd expect nothing other than crypticism from him.