I Want to be Kind [-Thorfinn X Reader-] [Vinland Saga]

Won't let this build up

-Thorfinns POV-

I don't like her. I sneak a peak over at her as she helps me down the steps. Who does she think she is saving my life? I've never given her a reason to want me to live, never have I accepted her acts of friendship in the past. I've always been open about the fact that I wanted to kill her father. Why would she save me? It would be in her best interest to just let me die, yet she saved my life. It was truly puzzling.

My eyes graze over the scar I left on her cheek when she catches me staring at her, causing me to quickly look away and see that we were in front of her and Askeladd's cabin. "Why are we here, why not take me to the barracks?" I ask as she reaches out and pushes open the door. "Because you're beat to shit. worse than any beating my father has given you. Or any enemy for that matter." She says matter of fact as she pulls me into the small space. I looked around to see that it was very basic, two heaps of pelts that acted as makeshift beds, a table with a map, and a medium sized chest.

"Nice place." I say as she leads me to one of the makeshift beds. And it really was, the men were only given straw to sleep in. Unless you had the luxury of your own pelts, which most of the men stole or bought to sleep on instead of the straw provided when they first came on board as a crew member. Not only that but this cabin gave privacy, whereas all of the men shared a large space together where they could eat and sleep.

I lay down on top of a heap of pelts, grunting in pain from my broken ribs and sprained ankle. Thank Odin I didn't break anything more than that, especially with that idiot flinging me around. "Let me check your body out." (Y/N) says as she goes to unbutton my shirt.

"Getting a little handsy there huh." I tease her, watching her face turn a light red with a blush. "I just wanted to see where you were hurt, in case you received any puncture wounds." she says as I shrug off her hands "I don't have any bleeding" I say leaning back against the wall of the ship. Though I did feel like shit, there wasn't much we could do to treat my broken bones other than rest.

"Fine, I'll take your word for it." She says sharply, turning around and walking over to the chest. "But if you bleed out on my bed I'll go to Helheim and kill you." I just let out a small chuckle at her little threats as I watched her from behind. "So you brought me to your bed? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" I tease her, receiving a glare from her before she goes back to her search through the chest, mumbling about how she thought I would like it more than using Askeladds. I can't lie, (Y/N) was a fine Norse woman, no doubt about that. Any viking would be proud to bring her to his bed.

Though for all of my teasing I could never take her to bed, if I fell for the enemy I would forget about my purpose here. I'm not here to make friends, especially not here to take on a lover, even if I were to just keep it purely physical. I'm here to kill a man and ease my fathers spirit. Nothing more.

So I mustn't allow myself to stray, I won't let this feeling build.

-Your POV-

As I'm searching through the Chest for some poppy seeds for Thorfinn to take, I feel his eyes watching me from behind. A shiver runs up my spine at the ideal of him checking me out 'what am I thinking? Of course he isn't, he would never.' I think as I finally find the small bottle of poppy seeds under some clothes. "Here, take these. they should help you get some rest through the pain" I say as I walk back over to him and hand him a few poppy seeds to eat.

"What are these?" He says lifting them up to his face as he inspects them "Regretting your decision to save me?"

"What?! No, of course not." I bristled at him thinking that I would try to poison him. "It's poppy seeds, they'll help you get some rest. So eat up and get to sleep." I say quickly getting to my feet and heading out the door leaving the shaggy blonde to do whatever he pleases. If he took it or not I didn't care, why should I care if he was in pain while trying to rest. Ignoring him for the rest of the day, only to come back that evening to find him snoozing in my bed. The bottle of poppy seeds sitting on the floor besides the pile of pelts he laid on.

I soon found how we were to head towards Wessex as we followed king Sweyns army. Leaving his son prince Canute in London to continue the fight. Askeladd gave us a few days of rest before following the king, leaving behind our ships in London with Prince Canute's army. And pillaging any villages on our way across the land towards Wessex.

Hearing a woman screaming out late at night I sat up in my makeshift bed of hay with a panic. I look around for the women, seeing a couple of my fathers men standing over her. The woman was English, yelling what I could only assume were cries for help from anyone nearby, and seeing me she started to freak out more assuming that I would help her.

I felt my stomach lurch at the sight of her, I hated seeing what the men did with any women left alive after we invaded a village. Usually I would be able to retreat to the ship, but now I had to see the horrors every night when we came across a small village. It just reminded me that there was a thin line that stopped them from fulfilling their fantasies with me instead. That it wasn't that I was a capable warrior, but it was that my father and Bjorn would have their heads on a pike if anyone ever took me without my consent.

"Ah (Y/N) it's just you'' One of the men said "Sorry for interrupting ya, go back to sleep lass we'll head somewhere else." they say as they throw her over their shoulder, the woman reaches out her hand to me with tears streaming down her face. I just turn my head away as I block out the screams, waiting till her screams get quieter and quieter until I can hear them no more.

"Not pretty, is it." I hear from the other side of the barn, scaring me almost half to death. I see Thorfinn, he must've slept in here with me. "I never said it was," I responded.

"My bad, I figured you would since you've never seemed to mind it" He says glaring at me from across the barn. I feel my blood burn at his insinuation that I could ever enjoy witnessing something so disgusting. "Excuse me?" I say flabbergasted. "You heard me, always running off when the party starts after a good pillaging, not having to see the aftermath." He says as if speaking my mind. "It's not like I could stop them.. I don't get a choice in the matter. I do what I'm told to do by my father, I don't need to see the aftermath if I can help it." I respond quietly, earning a scoff from Thorfinn. Me sending him a hard glare in response.

"Why do you stay if you dislike it? You're content staying daddy's little girl and killing for him your whole life?" he asks, saying it as if it was the most simple thing in the world. "This is the only life I know, it's not like I could ever leave and become a merchant or a farmer. No, I only know how to follow orders and kill." I say giving him a sharp look. "You're not much different than me though Thorfinn, keep things up and you'll be killing for my daddy for life too." I taunt him. Thorfinns jaw tightens as he holds himself back from snapping an insult back at me. Instead he just watches me silently from where he sat, before taking a deep breath and sighs before laying back down. Obviously this conversation was over to Thorfinn.

I just grab my cloak and head out into the night, It will be morning soon enough anyways. And after what I had been woken up to and the conversation that followed it I doubt I could get back to sleep anyways.

I look up at the stars and wonder to myself if I would ever be able to be free of this life. Maybe I should leave and start anew somewhere else. But I have no clue what else I could ever do.