The Stages of Heartbreak and Grief of Who I Once Was

thirty two: a new lifejacket

i float alongside a river
in freezing cold bright blue water
that makes my body shiver
each ripple from each boy makes my boat totter
and makes me wonder how much can i take before my lungs are slaughtered

the last boy made waves occur
and took away my mahogany oar
but sometimes i can see that dark black blur
from across the way alongside the shore
with his bright orange life jacket to fight the stir
that he tries to pass to me so i might fight more

i tell myself often that i shouldn't trust it
one more ripple and i'd soon drown and die
but there is something about the boy
and his bright blue green eyes
that makes me wonder if i'm more than a toy
that was lost in the water at age five