18 going on 38

chapter 7

Maya had to throw up, that was her first thought when she woke. Her second thought was that she couldn't go to their ensuite, because apparently Carina was already throwing up in there. She wanted to help like she had been all week, but the thought of going in there right now made her gag.

She quickly ran into the guest bathroom and emptied her stomach. She grabbed a glass of water and chugged it down. Her entire body felt heavy and dehydrated, and her head was pounding. She refilled the glass and chugged half of it before dumping the rest in the sink. She walked back into the bedroom where Carina was laying clutching her stomach and smiled sadly. Carina was sick and she didn't want to tell Maya what was wrong with her. After saying she didn't care last night, she was afraid to bring it up again, afraid that being reminded of it after some time to think would cause her to be angry or sad.

She found her running clothes and popped into the bathroom to change. When she came back out Carina was sitting up against the headboard, she eyed Maya's clothes and opened her mouth, but she didn't say anything. Maya almost wanted her to, she wanted Carina to say, 'hey, if you're not feeling well, you can take a break today.' But she didn't and Maya didn't know how to tell herself that it would be okay.

"Have a good run." Carina smiled, but it didn't seem genuine.

"Thanks." Maya said and jogged to the front door without another word.

___

Why was she even running anymore?

She had won her gold.

She had made her father proud.

She had done those things even though she didn't remember it.

And here she was, on a trail, pushing herself to run in circles around a lake until she hit 10k. She'd thrown up twice more. There was nothing left in her stomach now and somehow she still felt queasy. She could just go home. Carina wouldn't know the difference, she didn't time her run or at least Maya didn't think she did. She never asked how far she'd run either so there wouldn't really be any point in timing it.

She could go home.

She slowed down for a second, intending to walk the rest of the way when she shook her head.

What the hell was she doing?

She had no discipline without her father. She didn't know how to keep going without his voice in her head.

It had been what he'd told her her entire life.

You would be nothing without me, Maya.

You need me, Maya.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was running back to her childhood home. Her breath hitched when she saw her parents' names still on the mailbox. She didn't know if she was happy or not about that. But she went to the door nonetheless and she almost pulled the handle out of habit but she stopped herself at the last second. Knocking instead.

"Maya." He said, He was smiling, but Maya knew it wasn't a real smile. She knew all his expressions, had spent most of her life figuring out what all of them meant, she smiled nervously back.

"Hi, dad." She felt small, he was a tall man and it seemed he was purposely towering over her. He opened the door wider and Maya followed him into the living room.

"You're not supposed to be here, you and your wife-" He said the word with so much disdain, Maya felt ashamed. "Made sure of that, so what are you doing here?"

"I just-" What was she doing here? "I just miss you, dad. I was running and I realised I Have no idea how to push myself without you and I want to train together again."