something like blood | natasha romanoff

chapter 2

"point your feet" madame b said as she walked behind me and tapped me with a stick. i pointed my feet as much as i could.

i was a good dancer. it's something i always liked, something to get my mind off things. when i am stressed or sad, i dance. it also helps me practice technique so i guess, it's a win win.

as we finished warming up, we stood in a line. madame b made us each do a short sequence in front of the others whilst we watched and thought about how to improve. that's the thing about the red room, it's always a competition of who can do it better.

as the girl next to me was doing her sequence, she fell. she tripped on her foot and landed face first on the floor. madame b hit her with the stick and when the girl didn't get up she shouted "get up, we don't teach failures"

i didn't feel bad for her. after a while you get the hang of it and turn your emotions off. it's better that way, you become a better widow.

it got to my turn, and i stepped out in front of everyone. i started dancing, doing pirouettes, plié's and chassés. everybody watching looked impressed, but i didn't stop. i carried on and when i finished i turned to madame b with a a poker face on and she raised her eyebrows, clearly impressed with my ballet.

"хорошая работа Роквелл (good job Rockwell)" she nodded her head and dismissed me back into the line.

the rest of ballet went pretty quickly after that. i didn't mess up, not like i ever do, but a few others did, and it was not a pretty sight to see.

*time skip*

it was more training now. it was just me and two other girls in the room, with a table of guns placed in front of us. we were allowed to pick a gun from the selection then had to wait for our next instruction.

out of the corner of my eye, i saw a couple people with bags over their heads. my first assumption was that we had to shoot them. i was correct.

"in each of these bags, is someone special to you. however if you execute the kill well enough, we might tell you who it was." madame b said. i wasn't listening, i lost focus after the 'someone special to you'.

who was special to me? it's not like i had friends or family.

however i pushed through the thoughts in my head and focused on the target in front of me. i was trying to figure out who it was. they seemed quite short and from the corner of the bag i could see a few strands of hair.

it was ginger? are they related to me..?

madame b told us to shoot, so i did. without hesitation, like usual, however i felt something. i felt something for the first time in years. guilt. i didn't know this person, but i felt like i did. i felt like that was someone irreplaceable.

something in me shattered. like i just lost the biggest part of me.

i lowered the gun to my thigh, and watched as the other girls shakily shot their loved one. as much as i wanted to know who's face was behind that bag, i didn't. it would affect my play, it would be too much for me.

i watched as madame b shooed off the other girls and scolded them for being sloppy. i watched their eyes and chest drop as she said that.

on the other hand, she came up to me and praised me, "well done, i knew you were the right choice" she said.

i nodded my head, thanking her, with a straight face.

"i suppose you would like to know who was in that bag?" i looked up at her and met her eyes, a small glimpse of hope in mine.

"it was your mother. you never met her, and you never will."

my heart dropped. i felt like a piece of me died. 'you never met her, and you never will' those words stung like a knife to the heart. it was real, there was nothing i could do to get her back. nothing i could do to save her. she was gone. forever.

that's the closest i've ever been to my mother, and the closest i'll ever be to her.

"you are dismissed" madame b said, snapping me out of my thoughts. i quickly scurried away, back to my cell.

the moment i got back, i sat on my bed and sobbed. i curled up into a ball and cried. i've never cried like this. i brought my hand up and played with the necklace laced around my neck, reminding me that this is the only thing i have left of my mother.

i've never felt pain like this before. i never thought i would. i wished i could go back in time and change everything. maybe we could be together, watching television laughing at people doing funny things, or celebrating my birthday with balloons, a cake, my family. maybe i'd even have friends.

how much i wish that i could be a normal girl, living a normal life. there's nothing more i want than to live a carefree life, where i don't have to worry about anything. where i am happy and have fun.

i cried until there was nothing left in me.

'you never met her, and you never will' those words will haunt me forever.