something like blood | natasha romanoff

chapter 20

"i had a daughter too" she said.

my face dropped. i felt so bad.

"i- i didn't know, i'm sorry. i shouldn't have said that" i said, thinking deeply. she looked over at me with watery eyes and smiled, "it's okay, it's not like you knew" she replied.

"i'm still sorry though" i said quietly. neither of us said anything, we both just sat there in quiet.

she nodded, accepting my poor excuse of an apology.

after about a minute of us sitting there, the surroundings nothing but silence, i got up and left. i went out into the main part of the quinjet and sat down at the back, thinking of ways i could prove that i was sorry.

after all, i've never had friends and wanted to make the most of it.

our of habit, i brought my hand up to my neck where my necklace would usually be placed, to find nothing there except skin and my suit.

i froze.

did i leave it in the facility? is it in the medbay?

i started panicking.

i got up and looked around the quinjet, starting with the main area. i looked on the floor, around all of the chairs as everyone gave me weird looks.

then i decided to head to the medbay. i didn't tell anyone i lost it i was just looking on the floor and on every piece of furniture so to everyone else i probably looked like a maniac.

i was walking around the medbay where nat was, checking the seat i saw on and everything around it, whilst nat was trying to talk to me.

i could hear her saying things like, "athena what are you doing?" and "what are you looking for?" but i completely ignored her.

this necklace meant everything to me and if i couldn't find then i would probably lose a piece of myself.

i looked around for around 15 minutes before giving up.

i came to the conclusion i lost it. the one sentimental item i received from my mother was gone. the rock holding my life together.

after leaving the room quickly, i broke down.

i stopped by a wall where no one was nearby before my legs gave way, falling to the floor. i was crying my eyes out by the side of a wall, knowing i've lost the only piece of my mother i had.

i curled up and hugged my knees, needing a new sense of comfort.

but it wasn't the same. every time i felt the necklace on my neck, i felt like my mother was with me. i felt a sense of comfort no one would ever replace.

instead, i felt nothing but me.

it's like i can't feel her anymore.

i tried to compose myself by breathing steadily but it wasn't working. in these situations i learnt a way to regulate my breathing and stop crying.

breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4, and breathe out for 4 seconds.

as i did this i started to calm down a bit, but not enough so i used my favourite method.

name 5 things you can hear, 4 things you can see, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

it works every time.

i stood up, my knees threatening to give in. i stayed stood up for a second to gain my balance, and proceeded to walk to where everyone was sat.

i sat down and i just hoped that it wasn't too obvious i was crying.

"how are you feeling?" i heard wanda say. i looked up and she was looking at me, implying that the question was aimed at me. i couldn't tell if she was saying this because she saw that i had been crying or because we just went on a mission to take down my childhood home basically.

"i'm okay thanks" i replied. nothing too over the top, nothing too simple. well, kind of.

clint announced that we were starting to descend and i prayed that this time we didn't crash land into the tower.

a/n 

sorry this is so short i didn't really know what to put, and sorry i haven't posted in ages i have been so busy with school work