PRIDE ONE SHOTS

Pride No. 13

Oscar was my life, although we spent most of our lives apart, the 2 years we spent knowing each other were the 2 years I found my heart. As I walked into school for the first time in a month my best friend, miami ran up to me and hugged me tightly. She kissed my cheek before she let me go and dragged me over to the tables set up in the usual area.

"Why have you been off for so long? And not responding to my texts," he sighed and picked at his fingers,
"Oscar killed himself." He said quietly, the whole table grew silent. "His brother told me, he came over and stayed a couple nights while his parents were trying to keep it together. He didn't want to see his parents crying." He felt a tear slip down his cheek. Miam hugged him tightly and he hugged her back, "I just want him back, Mia." He cried into her shoulder. After he calmed down they walked to English and they teacher greeted them at the door, she asked how he was and he shrugged,
"I'm okay." He said and then sniffled as he walked into the room and sat down next to the empty seat. The teacher asked him where Oscar was and he shrugged and pretended to not know.

Ethan stayed quiet as almost every teacher asked where Oscar was and he shrugged. It was art and Oscar sat right next to him, always making jokes and talking to the teacher. He made everyone around him happy, he couldn't bring himself to find happiness in it. Maybe he did, maybe he just didn't think it was worth the trudging through the bad days. The teacher looked at him with a small smile and half way through the class went over and sat in Oscar's seat and asked where he was. He tried to keep it together but he couldn't he cried and tried to stay quiet. He murmured out,
"He killed himself." He cried and the teacher felt a tear run down her face, "I tried to tell him I was there, I tried- I swear. I tried my hardest to help him. But I don't know what I could have done better!" His painting was soaked in tears and the whole class watched as the teacher tried to pull herself together and the class tried to not cry. "I'm sorry. His parents were going to tell the school in a couple days and I've just ruined it." She shook her head,
"Maybe, but they shouldn't be mad. You're a child, he's a child. They should understand that it's a lot of responsibility to keep something like that to yourself. Surely every teacher has asked you something. He nodded but was still very upset, he couldn't stop thinking about what he looked like in the hospital morgue.

Four months later, it was a new year and Ethan was still struggling. He was given counselling by the school because he was failing at things he was amazing at and missed schooling. He was trying to keep afloat in the water up to his nose, he had to keep treading water because there was no air in his lungs to help him float. They had to write essays in the counselling group every time a new person joined to tell them about why they were there. Some sort of stupid group therapy to make you trauma dump on someone who had just been through something. He usually didn't name him, as it felt too personal and he would definitely cry but when the therapist read it and had no change in her facial expression he had to make sure he made an impression.

'My name is Ethan. I was born in may, the end, and I've lived my while life in this town. I've moved house a couple times, for various reasons such as; the house being too small for the amount of boyfriends my mum had, couldn't fit all the sidepieces in my mum and dad's bed- you see. Not here for that though, that's next door- have that next period. About 4 months ago my boyfriend, Oscar, killed himself. I learned about it two days after he had committed by overdosing. His parents weren't supportive of us, but his brother didn't care and just liked that he had two older brothers. So when his brother showed up at my door 2 hrs after midnight crying and with a backpack on. I immediately let him in and as he was shivering and crying tried to call Oscar. The line went dead and the messaging service repeated that the line had been taken off and to delete the contact. I was angry, thinking I did something wrong. I called the house phone and no one picked up. I asked his younger brother, Damian, what was wrong and it slipped out his lips in between the wretched sobs,
"He killed himself!" And I couldn't believe him.

'He wanted to escape his parent's misery, he went to the only place he knew he could count on- my house. My parents were out on some make up date, after my mum cheated again and before she found out dad had cheated again, step 3 in the cycle. I was devastated but I didn't want to cry in front of him, he was only 10 and I felt bad enough that he came to me instead of his own parents. I sent him to take a shower and put his backpack in my room, the shower having been connected. I stepped outside and yelled at whatever the fuck I could. I wasn't angry because I might have done something, I was angry because I didn't do something and it didn't work. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.'

He read it out-loud at the 'rehearsal' for the new guy, an hour before he actually got there they all got there and started reading to each other what they had wrote. However that failed when just before he started reading the new guy had walked in and it was Oscar's little brother- Damian. Everyone had tears pricking their eyes and when the therapist saw the new youngest member of the group therapy she invited him to sit down. Everyone turned around, to see him frozen in place, only for Ethan to turn around last and see who it was. He immediately stood up and hugged him tightly,
"I'm so sorry. Did you hear all of that?" He nodded and Ethan picked him up and took him out as he cried into his shoulder. The group ran after him into the lobby where Damian's parents were and were now shouting at Ethan. All for carrying their crying son to them. Damian clung to his 'older brother's' leg as he took the yelling and covered his 'younger brother's' ears.
"You weren't even related to him!" He let tears run down his cheeks.
"I loved him! Little did you ever! Do you know how many times he cried to me that he was hurt by the both of yous or either of you! How many times I stayed up listening to him and how he did the same back?! You don't because you never cared to listen to him!" They stood in the middle of the corridor while someone tried to drag him back to the therapy room while Damian watched him being pulled away as he himself was held onto by his mother.

"YOU FAILED AS PARENTS - AND NOW I CANT LOVE HIM!"

-S.N