female celebrity comfort stories

sott | taylor swift

warnings: mentions of school shootings, trauma, ptsd

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my ears are ringing. i'm supposed to be on stage in 2 minutes and i can barely see.

my vision is blurry, i can't stand, i can't breathe. i don't know how i'm supposed to do this.

i won my first grammy today. for the very first single i wrote and released.

it's called sign of the times and i regret releasing it every single waking moment.

it was supposed to help america realise it had a problem but now im constantly reminded of the reason i wrote it.

every interview, every run in with the paparazzi, every time i'm on any social media, all i see is her name. all i see is her face.

the whole world knows taylor swifts only child was the victim of a school shooting and it sure as hell wasn't difficult to connect the dots and realise that sign of the times was about that day.

that god awful day. the day she got taken from me.

i'm not ready to go out onto that stage, infront of all those people and sing it live for the first time.

there are too many emotions in this. my heart is out on the line and i feel like it's just been stomped on by the entire population of the planet.

in this moment i'm just focused on getting to that piano without falling flat on my face.

i can hear all the clapping and shouting. people screaming my name over and over.

i can feel the sweat dripping down my face. this suit is too tight around my neck, the tie is strangling me.

sitting at the piano i wipe my hands on the black trousers sitting tightly around my thighs.

this is the longest i've ever waited for my cue to start playing, i just keep tucking my curly hair behind my ears.

hearing that cue my fingers hover the piano keys.

playing that first note my mind immediately goes somewhere else.

the announcement came over the loudspeaker.

"this is not a drill"

i grabbed hold of my phone and stood up. my head spinning trying to spot her.

running over to her in the corner of the chemistry classroom i held her hand tightly.

our teacher putting as many of us into her cupboard as possible.

there wasn't enough room so we were both hiding behind the lab bench.

we weren't visible from the door or windows. we were supposed to be okay.

'i love you mama.'

that was the last thing i texted mama before i started to turn my phone off.