DNF - c.l [1]

23:00

British Grand Prix – Sunday

I qualified 6th yesterday, Charles 4th, not my proudest as the car was still under performing, but I could tell Vasseur was already annoyed enough at me and the mechanics that if I complained one more time I would potentially be risking my seat for next season.

"So there's been some talk about you moving teams next season," David Croft asks me for my paddock interview.

I was meant to be doing this interview with Charles, but as usual he was avoiding me and nowhere to be seen.

"Well as we all know I filled in as a reserve driver for Carlos while he is still recovering from his injury, so who knows what will happen next season when he is back," I shrug my shoulders smiling.

It was true, I didn't know what was going to happen next season, with Carlos almost recovered from his injury, I didn't know if I was even going to be here until the end of the season, let alone next.

"And how does your teammate Charles think about it? We noticed at the start of the season you guys got off to a bit of a rocky start, but it seems now you guys are getting on more than fine," he asks.

If only they knew.

"Charles and I have a good professional relationship, we work and train together very closely so it's important that we get on well," I could tell Amanda wasn't happy with my answer, as recently she had been pushing us more and more to do public interviews where we were seen closer together.

"How are you feeling for this ra- oh look, I see a wild Charles Leclerc coming over now, how are you buddy?" David says, shaking his hand as Charles sits down on the vacant stool in between David and I.

"Sorry I'm late David, few dressing room difficulties," he grins, he kisses me on the cheek, making me jump in surprise, as for the past two weeks we had barely been speaking.

At the team meeting on Friday he didn't even say hello to me, turning up with Charlotte was a real stab to the heart and was making me even more confused with his emotions and actions than I already was.

"Charles, how have you been doing the past two weeks, placing P3 in Austria," David goes on to ask him.

"It's been challenging, especially watching Madeline struggling with her car, due to no fault of her own, but it has been good for myself and the rest of the team that we are still able to produce good scores," he says, looking between David and I.

The interview contends and we're already wrapping up by the time it's midday, getting ready for the race at 3PM.

It was nice being back in England, especially during the summer time, seeing people that I knew and being in a country I could understand the language well.

I put my sunglasses and hat on as I'm leaving my trailer in my race suit, a few hours too early, but I wanted to be ready.

I sat down in the garage by the exit doors, watching the mechanics do some adjustments to my car before the race.

"How are you feeling?" Charles's voice fills my ears as I'm looking out onto the grand stand in front of the pit, people already sitting down and waiting for the race to begin.

"Tired," I say truthfully, the last few weeks have been so mentally and physically draining, with not being home and also having to juggle Charles and his bipolar energy spikes.

"Here," he says, passing me a bag of crisps, "I know you probably haven't ate," he takes a seat on a tyre stack next to me, also looking out across the pit lane at the grandstand.

We sit in silence for a while, not saying anything, enjoying a few peaceful moments before the garage gets busy and noise starts to fill the air.

"How's Charlotte?" I ask, not because I care, because I want him to know that seeing him with her hurts me.