DNF - c.l [1]

25:00

CHARLES POV:

I couldn't stand the sight of her crying.

Her hood was up, and I know she was hoping that I couldn't see that she was crying, but I could see the tears reflecting in the light as they fall down her cheek, the same cheek I had my hand on a few weeks ago, caressing her soft skin while she was standing in Lewis's garden in that damn dress I wanted to rip off her right then and there.

"Charles I am done," she says lowly, taking a shaking breath as she does so.

I close my eyes, feeling the pain in her voice, the pain I had caused, again and again.

I drop my head between my shoulders as I clutch onto the railing harder, scared that if I don't, I may fall.

I had broken her, repeatedly, giving her no reason to ever trust me, but time and time again she does, making me drawn to her even more, wondering what it was about me she was so drawn to.

It made me feel like I was more of a man than I really was.

"Madeline, I am begging you," I find myself saying, never in the past few weeks would I have imaged our relationship to get like this, let alone for me to be begging her to listen to me.

She covers her mouth, threatening to let out a loud sob and if my heart wasn't being pulled enough, that topples it for me.

She pushes past me, shaking her head as I try to grab onto her wrist, the rain making it hard as her skin slips right up against mine.

She was jogging through the paddock as I called out to her again.

"I love you."

She stops running and I swear I was about to throw up.

I didn't intended to say that, I don't even know where it came from, but it came from somewhere, a place I wasn't ready to come to terms with or address yet.

She turns to face me, her face completely flat as the rain beats down harder, her hood completely soaked.

I clamp my hands open and closed, not knowing what to do with myself as I wait for her reaction, but she just stood there, staring back at me.

I didn't care who heard me, in fact I only cared about her, but only now, was I realising how much she meant to me.

I looked for her every morning when we arrive at the track, hoping she would be sitting in the garage cracking jokes with the mechanics as she ate her breakfast.

Every room I walked into, I was looking for her, hoping she wouldn't be looking at me first as I was embarrassed, of not knowing how to express my emotions, let alone tell her.

She was like a warm cup of coffee first thing in the morning, waking me up and setting me up for the day, or like the first bite of a really good cake and you want to savour every moment.

She made me feel things I had never felt before.

She beings to step towards me and I retaliate, shadowing her every move as she edges closer to me.

She was right in front of me now, I could reach out and touch her.

The rain was coming down so hard I could barley keep my eyes open, people running around us to get out of the rain as we stood there in the middle of the paddock.

"Charles," she lets out breathlessly, and I swear, in that moment, I almost fell to my knees.

"Madeline, I am so sorry, please you need to underst-"

"You hurt me, again and again Charles, every weekend it's something different and now I just can't do it anymore." She says, my heart beginning to crack as she speaks.

The sound of her voice could wake up the dead I swear, I could listen to her terrible jokes and listen to her ramble on about her crappy romance novels she reads, but right now I just wanted her to stop talking.

"You don't get to say you love me and then do the complete opposite, because that's not love." She continues on and I close my eyes, my own tears starting to form in my eyes, but I couldn't. I couldn't let her see that.

"I gave you your chance Charles and I said I wasn't going to wait around for you, and I still did, look where that got me," she was getting angry now, failing her arms around, begging for me to say something else but I didn't know what.

I couldn't let her go again, she was right, she had given me so many chances and I couldn't even tell myself why I didn't take her sooner.

"What do you want from me Charles," her voice begging for me to answer her.

I didn't know what to say, I never do, having avoided this conversation for so long now, I still did not know what to say.

She lets out a scoff after we stand in silence for a few moments, my chance almost over.

She begins to turn to walk away again and I knew if I let her go this time, there was never going to be a chance.

I grip onto her wrist, so hard I was scared I may have hurt her.

I kiss her.

Not like the time in the car in the middle of the intersection or in the elevator; I kiss her with passion and emotion, letting myself melt away into her as she kisses me back, wrapping her arms around my neck.

My stomach almost falls, something I had never felt with anyone else as we continue to kiss, not caring about who was around or if the cameras would see.

I wanted them to see and I wanted them to see that I truly do care for her, with every fibre of my being, I cared of this girl and it was killing me.

I couldn't tell what was tears on my face or rain, but it didn't matter.

She was here.

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AN: when I tell you I am sobbing as I write this, oh my god. I think I went through the 5 stages of grief im not even lying. I was very conflicted with posting this chapter but I have been feeling very emotional the past few weeks as I've been writing this for you guys; with everything going on in my personal but having all of you supporting my work and always leaving the funniest and kindest comments, I knew I wanted to write something that truly came from my heart, so I really hope you guys feel the emotions in this chapter as much as I did. THIS IS NOT THE END, update on Sunday besties.

I love you all so fucking much <3