Baby // Bttm bangchan oneshots

Thoughts

Writer - BBYBNGCHN

Bang Chan hasn't had it easy. It's normally believed that this thought process is going along the lines of, how he was a trainee for so long and almost didn't plan on making it so far because of his deteriorated mental state. But that's not what's been pondered upon.

Chan had a normal life, as normal as it can get for a trainee until he was 16. And then his entire understanding of his existence crashed on its own face when he randomly heard a voice in his head that was not his own, something about being damn hungry and another intercepted with the thought of how long and boring this practice session was.

And soon, many more started to invade his mind, some coherent words, thoughts, some just random flashes of images, scenes. His mind was flooded and he felt like his brain was about to explode.

He remembers running out of the practice room to an empty studio in a frenzy, he hoped no one would follow him. But curling up on the small gap between the couch and the wall and placing his head on his knees. Breathing hard and fast, willing away the thoughts and memories that were not his own.

His breathing was harsh and loud and with all the random voices and images and scenes in his head. He'd never felt more alone and helpless. He heard some voices, thankfully not in his head, outside the studio room calling for his name but he couldn't voice anything, his vocal cords snapped shut. And frankly, he did not want to be found when he was crouched on the floor having a literal psyche breakdown.

And that was the first day. And after that, it got better. Well as it is as good as it can get. He heard the random intrusive thought that bothered him at first until he did some research and found out that the point of intrusive thoughts is exactly that: they're intrusive. He dismissed those no matter how unsettling some were because the people almost always dismissed them.

It was odd in public when he saw the random thoughts of passersby' some normal, some disturbing, mostly pornographic, people really thought a lot about sex.

But the thing is Chan could never tell who it was coming from. He could only deduce because people's thoughts rarely manifested the image of themselves rather the person or activity they're thinking of. Some weren't even picturesque, they were just words thought in voice.

Chan had tried multiple times to channel his newfound ability, to somehow control it so he doesn't hear how that one Hyung wanted to bang this other Noona who he had a crush on or how this one Noona would totally drop on her knees for her crush or even the sadder ones, missing family, loneliness, fear. Fear was the worst.

When he was young, sometimes hearing other people's darkest fears, his young brain tended to make his own. Fears that were not his were suddenly his greatest enemy. It put him into a bout of depression that was fueled by his seemingly never approaching debut date.

That time was the hardest, curling himself under the blanket, willing the onslaught of tears away as he tried to keep the sleepless, deepest thoughts of his fellow trainees out of his mind.

It did get better, as he grew older his ability seemed to tone down, or he simply got used to it. It wasn't all the time, and he didn't hear every single thought. Only thoughts fueled by true emotion.

This means he definitely saw a lot of sexual desire, romantic desire...food. And more food. And even heavy, thick boredom. He liked anger and annoyance because they were also frequent but so much more hilarious out of context and when you have no idea but to guess who it could be.

He had a few thoughts flying in his brain that involved him too, people who liked him, who thought he was very attractive...who wanted to do...stuff to him. Which he's learned that he's technically invading someone's mind and they probably had no intention of following through with the plans. And some thoughts were just intrusive.