Piece by Piece

47. Cruel World

Millie hated how crappy she felt and that Davyn had decided that now, of all times, was the perfect time to leave and come back in a few days with some surprise. She didn't care at the moment. She wouldn't even if the surprise was a complete and sudden cut off from his life as Snitch Gravel. But she hadn't mentioned it, didn't want to be needy. She just wished everything wouldn't hurt.

It wasn't pain per se, more like a dull ache that consumed, annoyed, and exhausted her. But with him gone, she had to get moving. His request for her to stay there made sense. She'd be safer there than in school because no one knew where he lived. Hell, there wasn't even a nametag on the door. Maybe then she'd actually get his last name. She should get his last name. He hadn't even included it in his letters. She hadn't either, only writing down the address. Was it weird?

It was, she decided. Very weird. They had to talk. If he wanted this relationship to go anywhere real, he had to stop hiding. But before that, she needed to start gathering her things to see what else she needed. So, with a giant groan, she left the bed and checked her backpack. She needed fresh underwear for sure and...

Her hand froze inside the bag as she picked up the unused pads. Her heart started hammering inside her chest as she began counting back to her last period. She'd packed the pads for a reason, but she'd been so distracted with everything going on that she'd lost count.

No, it's this week. I'm only a few days late. But the more she ran the dates inside her head, she realized that wasn't true. She wasn't a few days late. She wasn't even a week late. She was bordering on two weeks. How could she have forgotten this?

Stress. Davyn giving up and not giving up on Snitch Gravel. Him, occupying every waking hour, making school feel like a dream. What was wrong with her? She was becoming as obsessive as he was.

It was still impossible. He was religious about protection. She was the only one who never cared about that because he always took care of it. Unless the condoms failed. Or...

The beat of her heart against her ribs was excruciating. 

The gym. When they did it in the gym. And then back home when he was high on pain meds for his migraines and was too out of it to care. She hadn't cared either because she never had to. At some point she'd felt as if it was different, better, but she hadn't been able to put her finger on why. Then they'd resumed their normal routine and he'd taken care of everything.

"No," she whispered. "No, no, no."

This couldn't be happening. She placed her hand over her belly, but there was nothing different. Of course there wasn't. She couldn't be more than two weeks pregnant if she even was. No, it must've been the stress and the PMS. But still, she braved the freezing weather and headed out to the nearest pharmacy where, with an embarrassed and shaky voice, she asked for a pregnancy test.

A half an hour later, she was back in Davyn's apartment, staring at two red lines on a little plastic stick. 

It was impossible. She couldn't be that unlucky.

Her entire future flashed before her eyes. How would she get into Julliard now? Graduating, college, every plan she ever made, destroyed because she'd been careless. The fear was so compelte, it made her body shiver, and sobs escaped her throat.

"What have I done? What have we done?"

She wasn't alone in this. It had taken two people to put that second line on the test. Davyn would... What would Davyn do? She was sure he wouldn't tell her to get rid of it, but would he be happy about it? He couldn't be. They were both so young, their lives messed up and complicated. There was no room for a child in any of this.