Piece by Piece

48. Choices

Millie woke up in complete darkness, her entire body aching, as if someone had stepped on her with iron boots and left her on the floor.

It took her panicked mind a few minutes to gather the mess inside herself and morph it into a coherent progression of events. The fact that it was a twisted nightmare didn't help. Once the memories fully returned, she took in a sharp breath and placed her hands over her belly.

The doctor said her baby was safe. They had both escaped death that day.

A choice. She had a choice.

The truth was, she didn't. Not anymore. The moment she'd thought she could've lost the baby, she realized she couldn't bear it if she did. Despite the dire circumstances, she could never do anything to hurt it. It was too late to take back what she'd done now. What they'd done.

Tears streamed down her face, and her hand twitched to grab the remote and turn on the TV again to witness what Davyn had done. The death and destruction. She shouldn't have let him leave, she should've held on tighter, insisted that he change his ways. The weight of what had happened pressed on her shoulders, and she felt it was her fault on some level.

Everything she'd done. It had all been a mistake. From walking in on him training, to cutting the wire to the sound system. It was at that moment, when she felt guilty, that she gave him the chance to wiggle into her soul. She'd been insane to go to the swimming pool with him. Insane to kiss him and wrap herself around him when she knew he was trouble.

He'd warned her. Ever since they first met, he'd constantly warned her. When she thought they should be more, he'd tried to keep her away. Because he knew. He knew what he was. And now she was part of this, almost as guilty as him.

Drugs, extortion, bullying. Weapons. And now the fire which fascinated him, consuming everything she ever knew. In the back of her mind, she became aware that she'd just lost all her things in the fire. At least everything that wasn't in Davyn's apartment. Would it get worse? Could it?

Vomit climbed up her throat, and she sat up to push it back. Her head throbbed. There was a tube coming out of her hand, linking her to an IV. She couldn't be tied down here, she needed to move.

The IV was fortunately on a support she could roll away from the bed, so she pushed herself to her feet. The tiles were cold, but she stepped towards the window with wobbly steps and glanced outside.

The darkness was fading, a thin line of light visible over the skyline. The night was making way to a new dawn, and here she stood, battered and broken, her life in tatters. What was she supposed to do? What, when she'd built her entire future around him? Ever since she fell in love with him, it had all been about him. Even her dreams took a backseat. Her dreams which were no longer possible because she was pregnant with his child.

And now... He'd left to hide. He'd lied to her and done the unthinkable. The unforgettable. The pain was so intense, it felt as if she had no heart at all. No hope and no love. Nothing. She had nothing, and she was nothing.

Tears slid down her cheeks as her gaze stayed on that little sliver of light.

She'd never felt so small and helpless in her life.

Her insides twisted, and she tightened her hold around the IV stand. The cold metal managed to ground her a little, even if she felt as if she were drowning in her love for him.

"This can't be love," she whispered. "Love is patient, love is kind." It was love, but a love that was lost, singed by the flames that had burned all her worldly possessions.

The flames and the crowd that had almost killed her and her baby.

"I'm alive." The words were filled with pain and tears. Was this how it would be for the rest of her life? Feeling small, guilty, and unimportant, wallowing in self-pity? He'd been so careful to convince her that she needed his approval, that he was her inspiration and her muse. That she would never amount to anything without him.