Women of Marvel One-shots

Rearview Mirror

Angst and lots of it

It was the small things you started to take notice of first. They were so subtle you could have quite easily missed it, and at first you did. Or maybe you chose to simply ignore it, but now. No, now you knew something wasn't right. The crushing feeling of longing and hurt mixed with confusion was enough to make you feel as if it was you in the wrong.

Had you done something to cause these changes? Had you said something? Was it something you hadn't done, maybe forgotten about? Were you too much? Too clingy? Too in love with her to see that maybe she didn't love you anymore? Have you just blinded yourself with a false reality, a false sense of security, a false ideal of what the two of you have, who you are to one another?

These are the questions that keep you up at night, staring at the ceiling with your hands resting on your stomach as the person who is meant to be next to you - in your bed - is not there. Her side of the bed is cold, untouched for a few days now. Has it been a week already, maybe it was two?

The dent in her pillow, where she used to rest her head looking at you with that soft smile as you both fell asleep wrapped up in each other's arms. The way the weight of the duvet was all too real, without the body next to you to even out its use it feels like you are trapped under the weight of a thousand unsaid things. The way you would instinctively reach out to hold her as you finally allowed yourself to succumb to the tiredness that you not only felt in your body, but within yourself as a whole.

Your mind working overtime to figure out where it's going wrong? What did you do wrong? Or maybe did she do something wrong? Thinking of all the ways you could approach her and the subject without sounding clingy, childish and ungrateful. Calculating the best way to fix it all. Questioning if what you have is really worth fixing if she can't even tell you what is happening and leaving you in the dark.

Leaving you to drown in your thoughts.

The memories of the two of you together slowly become something that brings pain as you wonder where all that love you had for one another went. Did you ever have her love in the first place? A loud mind in a quiet room is very dangerous. Invokes that feeling of standing on the edge of the cliff and looking down, feeling your stomach drop through your ass as you see how high up you are. How long you have to fall for. And with each passing night you feel yourself leaning closer and closer, your toes slowly sneaking over the edge as you start to accept the fate that has been bestowed upon you.

You love her, you want to fight for her. For you. For the life you have both promised one another. But as you feel yourself standing on your minds cliff edge you can't help but get a feeling that instead of being at the bottom ready to catch you she is standing behind you ready to give you one final push from behind when you finally decide that maybe what is truly destroying you isn't the possibility of losing her but knowing that you already have.

You go over and over in your head every little thing, every little interaction, every word you have spoken to her within the weeks leading up to this. Yet you come up empty. Unable to find any reason she would do this.

Once again as you start to fall asleep, letting the darkness of the bedroom and the emptiness of the bed surround you, you feel yourself moving closer and closer to the edge.

It wasn't always like this. That night as you feel asleep by yourself, once again, you made a promise to yourself that you have no other option to confront her. You didn't care if it ended up with you getting hurt anymore, you were already hurting so much.

But you decide that being hurt and having an explanation is better than being hurt while being left in the dark.

She is your girlfriend and you be damned if you let her get away with treating you like you didn't exist.