Embrace My Hüg

End or Beginning?

I'm tired!! My fingers automatically reaching the ring on my ring finger twisting it repeatedly.

After the Pooja, we directly headed to the Ashram were we always donated food and clothes to all the children living there. It had been a long time I visited there, it brings a smile on my face when the older children whom I used to play with remember me.

There was a time when I used to consider myself an orphan too!

Some of them who were of my age where well settled in there life something they wouldn't have imagined growing up same way I used to think.

I let myself focus on the present, to which I realised why I was standing here in the first place. I didn't come home last Diwali and I'm going tomorrow in the evening and this had made My Little koala sulking in the corner of the room. The whole morning and evening he has been avoiding me and I realised that he didn't deleted that msg because of his brother's fear but because of me and carried along when Uncle enquired. I should have guessed it earlier when he had been avoiding my messages for months after the last Diwali.

"Knock..

I knew he isn't going to open,"Bobo dekh tu darwaza nhi kholega to mai chali jaungi phir agle saal aaungi - I heard a grumbling noise maybe curses but here is my boy came opening the door seems like my unharmed threat is working; he was still sulking looking everywhere but at me

"Bobo- he left the door open and went inside the room. I followed him nervously wanting him to look at me like he used to. Her feelings towards Shivansh were the same just as mothers have for their sons that's why him sulking and not talking was giving her the same feeling to her of a child wanting her sole attention and time.
I'll try everything in my power to make him happy again, she thought.

"Bobo, please mujhe maaf krde I really was busy this time.

(Please, I'm asking for forgiveness)

Its was partial truth I was busy finding the culprit who was ratting out my designs to my rival company.

For the first time today, he looked at me, his eyes filled with hopelessness and despair, I knew I didn't keep my promises and it had made him wary of me. After some time he had started doubting whatever I said.

Somewhere I know that I'm responsible for that and I'll do anything for him to believe me or trust me again.

"You always says that but at the end of the day you do what you have to do. The truth is you never wanted to live here, you always think of us as an outsider someone who pitied you just that ..

His acumen words seep through me like an arrow shooted from bow, creating excruciating pain for the one who is in the receiving end.
I wanted to refuse, deny but I knew somewhere deep down they were true, they are true because I still think like that but my love for him wasn't a pity. It was pure love from elder sibling to his younger one. He was my brother...mine and period.

"Don't say like that .. you know that I love you. I love you like my own, I have raised you, listen to you, scolded you like my own.

He clutch both of my hands,"Than why you are always running away from here, I have never seen you using any of the things other than necessary. You never called Ma as Ma....

Hearing him saying all the unsaid actions of hers, was like someone was uncovering her against her will. She wasn't ready to be that vulnerable yet.

"I .... I didn't have words in order to defend myself only I know that I was sorry."

"I really am sorry for hurting you bobo", her eyes started to get blurry. She didn't realise that the water that was moistening her eyes were her tears until she felt it dropping from her eyes to her cheeks after a long time. He has managed to bring out my old self today.

"Shit..

He knew I never once cried, not when my parents died, not when he died that made him realise his mistake. He immediately hugged me tightly repeatedly saying sorry.

"Please I'm sorry I shouldn't have said like that...heck I don't even have the authority to say it .. Please I'm sorry . I was being mean to you.

I just hugged him tightly realising that I created distance in order to protect them but the reality was.. I was really hurting them all this time when they were genuinely wanted the best for me and loved me like their own.
...
...
...

After having their crying and pacifying each other session, he was finally laying his head peacefully on her lap, his eyes closed relishing the sweet feeling of her hands caressing his hair.

"I'm sorry for hurting you bobo tell me how can I make it up to you. I asked him seeing that he was going to refuse, I insisted because I knew that there was something he wanted to tell me in his hesitancy before refuting.

"Will you really consider if I asked you to? He question suddenly changing his position from sleeping to sitting showing his seriousness.

"Hmm, I replied and I intend to make it real even if his wish was too subtle or extravagant.

He contemplated a lot before saying because I could see his inner battle going for like past half an hour,"come on, say it.

"You will consider, right. You really want my forgiveness. I nodded wanting him to continue.

"Please say yes.

"Its already yes but... For what?

"Mom has asked Panditji for an auspicious date and time for your and bhai's wedding, please don't refuse it. Bhai said if you said yes then he don't have any problem.

"Please say yes when Mom asked you this question. Please say it?

I was shocked. Of all the things he could have asked, I knew this was his way to make sure that I remain near to him always but how could I ...

I wanted to leave that room immediately but his next words made my heart ached in pain.

"I knew you wouldn't - if Aunty asked me I'll say yes". I said standing up leaving his room because even if he would have asked me to marry his brother tomorrow I would have said yes and considering the possibility, I couldn't stand here anymore.

Soon the despair was replaced by one of his signature smile one that actually reaches his heart he came forward engulfing me in a bone crushed hug.

"Thank you di ....Thank you... I love you ... Now I'll have you all the time.

I smile seeing his smaller self and left. As soon as I was away the pain and anguish return in my heart. How am I going to accept him.

Abhimanyu

The name was foreign to me even if we knew each other from childhood.

I hope Aunty doesn't remember it until tomorrow or until ever.

"Mam, Badi Ma is calling you! A servant came forward reaching out the order to me.

My heart stopped beating, my fears coming true. As I have the worst luck ever controlling myself I said,"Tell badi ma I'll visit her- Badi ma said it was important.

Aunty has never been like this, this wasn't the style of Yuvika Singh or its just that she knew me better. She knew I'll try to oppose it. I just followed him to the Study reluctantly where Uncle and Aunty do there business. It was study cum office.

If only I knew what was coming