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THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT MY REPUTATION IS ALL I HAVE IN THIS PLACE.
People didn't know me for long enough to know why I did what I do, only that what I do seems to matter to their lives. I'd gained a good reputation with the guards, who found me funny (unintentionally) and my boyfriends who thought I could do no wrong.
Maybe that was why I searched in the library for all of those old law books. These people needed me and I also needed my reputation upheld if I was going to be a ruler.
The memories I have of my childhood weren't that great. I'd been an easy target for bullying, I thought the people who bullied me were my friends. I couldn't see until they had been publically humilating me for months that they didn't like me at all, that they'd poisoned the well for me at my schools. I went to six schools in four years, my parents willing to change me out but quite uninterested in finding the core problem with me.
They hadn't messaged me in years, I didn't even know what they were doing right now.
Every memory seemed slightly muddled, too extreme in my developed brain. Hindsight is 20/20, and my vision was horrible back then. I really had to learn how to spot these people before they began taking over my life.
It was only a blessing that Edward and Alice were so open with their hatred, or I may have tried to earn back their trust. I was too much of a people pleaser in that way. I wanted to change that in my immortality. No more apologizing for being myself, being a real person. If I did something wrong, sure, but otherwise? Otherwise it just wasn't worth the trouble.
Call it what you want. Protecting my peace is what I believe it to be.
And somehow that all ties back to the letter I'd been given. I didn't want to read it over again, to see the words for what they are. Carlisle wanted to ask for my forgiveness and I wasn't sure if I would give it too him yet.
The bridge wasn't burned, but it was on the brink of death. I wouldn't apologize if it died, but I wasn't trying to uphold it either. Edward was trying to poison my well again and despite how much Carlisle was apologizing to me, he wasn't doing enough to stop his child from ruining my reputation with their allies.
At least my Coven was on my side with this matter. They agreed on the ruling that if Bella didn't turn until after the wedding (which I believe Edward only now broached with Bella by the tears in her eyes) the Volturi would come and kill her. No if ands or buts about it.
It was quite nice having that matter settled, even if it meant that I was not on speaking terms with Carlisle. The letter he sent me wouldn't change that. Jasper wasn't on speaking terms with him either. Why would he be? He'd testified against him at trial, at court.
