Find me in Stonebrook

One

Wind whipped around the car as it hurtled down the empty roads. Some country playlist playing through the speakers. That kind of silence where there's noise everywhere but you can't really hear anything. I wasn't supposed to be here. In my car, driving for the next 3 hours. I was supposed to be on a beach right now. 3rd cocktail in my hand in a pretty evening dress as we ate our desserts.

Right now, he's probably pacing the hotel room waiting for the next flight home in the morning. I packed everything up and left that hotel quicker than I've ever left anywhere in my life. Maybe us getting away wasn't the thing for us right now but come to think of it, I don't have a clue what was what we needed.

I've been with Ben for 3 years. He's great. Good job, gentle, gets on with my friends, supports my job, Mom and Ethan like him. It's a good relationship. There was nothing wrong and that was the problem. There was no reason for me to be having doubts. No reason for me to be pulling back or for the arguments. Nothing had changed, everything was great.

The music cut out, causing my attention to turn to the dashboard that was now lighting up with an all too familiar name.

"Hey trouble."

"Tess, why has Ben just called to say you're not currently in the Caribbean?"

"Because I am not." Lina groaned, muttering a collection of expletives under her breath before a harsh slap and an ow. "Hi Logan."

"It's not my fault! I haven't spoken to her." She hit him again. "LINA."

"Guys!"

"Where are you then? If you're not home, because I'm stood in your kitchen-"

"That key is for emergencies Lina."

"It is an emergency, you're being a bitch." She spoke quickly, jumping straight back onto her original point. "You're not here, you're not with Ben, you're not at the theatre."

"I am driving." Silence. "To Stonebrook." I could feel the tension on the other end of the phone, imagining them both staring at the phone like it was going to suddenly explode into thousands of little pieces. "I think I just need a little space."

"A little- Tessa, he's like nearly 2 thousand miles away!" I sighed. I know he was. He wouldn't be forever that's the issue here. Tomorrow morning he'd be walking through the door and I'd have nowhere to go. I can't get space in New York. He's there, he's always there.

"I know, but he'll be on the next flight out of there and I'd have you guys and I love you guys but I just- I need to think. I need to think without someone telling me I'm being dramatic or talking about work or about how great everything actually is. I know it's great. I know everything is good. I know I'm lucky. I've just- I've got 3 weeks left before I'm back to working for god knows how long and I need to just breathe and not have cameras in my face or other people's opinions and-"

"Breathe Tess."

"I am breathing Logan. I'm breathing but I need to get away for just like 20 days or something. I'll be back before we go back and I'll have a fresh mind and I'll be ready to work and-"

"Single?"

"Lina."

"Look, I just need to ask the question. We could talk Ben out of coming down if you need the space but we need to know why he can't come down. If you're going down there because you're going for a grippy sock vacation then yeah, he should probably come down but if it's because you're not sure what you want then-" I let out a slow breath. I don't know. I don't know what I'm considering or not considering or if I should be considering anything at all.

"I don't know."

"Oh god she's actually thinking about it."

"Logan-"

"Okay, listen, we'll talk to Ben, make up some shit about a small town friend getting sick and you needing to be there-"

"I was supposed to be down here in like a week for Jayde's wedding anyway."

"Perfect, she had bridesmaid duties for you that couldn't wait. If he calls you're busy and I'll say I'm speaking to you all the time but you're busy. But you better text us Tess or I'll drive down there myself."

"Chill out Lina."

"I most certainly will not." A beep on the phone line and Lina groaned. "Look, Wells is calling so I'm gonna go because he's probably freaking out too if he's spoken to Ben."

"Tell him I'm sorry."

"Will do."

"Text us when you get there Tess." I nodded, line going dead before I could answer.

My head was so full right now. Lines and music and Ben and Jayde's wedding and steps and where I needed to stand and Stonebrook. I haven't been home since I left. The girls come see me every few months, Mum and Ethan come up for Christmas in New York like it's a new religion. I haven't needed to come back.

But as the giant Welcome sign came into view, I was filled with overwhelming sense of being homesick. Right to my core, stomach churning the closer to home I got. Familiar streets I'd ridden bikes around for years look so different now. 7 years has gone by in the blink of an eye. It still feels like yesterday when I was throwing newspapers into gardens, walking around with Jules and Jayde laughing our heads off about whatever drama had happened at school that day.

Apparently not many people managed to leave Stonebrook. I was one of 10 from our classes. Of those 10, 7 of them had come back. 1 of them was somewhere in Europe teaching English. The other had passed away in some freak accident no one saw coming. And then there was me. Somehow defeating all of the odds, going against everything they said. 'It's not possible. 1 in a million chance. You won't make it to Broadway Tessa. Stop dreaming so big you're going to get disappointed and end up back here in a few years.'

I hadn't come back.

I wasn't moving back.

I love Stonebrook. My tiny little 600 person, unheard of town. I like how I have it in my head. Trees and fields and the beach and the lakes and the mountains and the cobblestone streets and being able to walk from one side to the other in 10 minutes. I love it like this. I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to taint it with everything else. I have to be here for Jayde's wedding but I don't intend on leaving Mum's house unless I have to. Until I was supposed to be here. If they all know I'm early they'll think somethings wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

I need me time.

I miss home.