velvet paradise (ftm x fem)

Track 6

JAIRE

"It's an all-girl band!" Faith yelled. She stomped her foot and whipped her neck in my big sister's direction. "Tell your sister she has to be a girl!"

"But I don't want to be a girl!" I combatted.

"But you are a girl!"

"I'm not!"

Serenity huffed and stepped between Faith and me before we could get physical. We were in our Sunday best. Messing up our hairstyles or dresses was not an option, or we'd face the wrath of our mommas. As we played in Faith's room, we could hear our mommas' voices getting louder as they gossiped about the other church folks in the living room.

"Jazmine," Serenity said to me. Her eyes implored me to be normal for once. I was her bothersome six-year-old sibling, disrupting her playtime with her nine-year-old church bestie. We exchanged a wordless plea through our gazes, but I was the one who prevailed. She shut her eyes briefly and opened them again to find Faith giving her a bratty glare. Despite the nasty stare-down, a beaming smile formed on my sister's face. "Let her be a boy! She can sing back up! I can be your co-star, and you'll be the star!"

Faith jumped with the thrill of fame. Her bouncing refused to stop even while she spoke. "Okay, but if she's gonna be a boy, she gotta look like one!" Her hopping came to an abrupt stop. She lifted a finger towards the ceiling as an idea washed over her freckled cheeks. "Ooo, I'll go grab Anthony's clothes! Wait here!"

Serenity shook her head and hands. "No! I don't think that's a good idea."

Faith threw her head back and waved it from side to side. "Uggggghhh!"

"Fine," Serenity surrendered. "We can play dress up."

Faith's feet beat against the floor as she departed the room, pleased with having her way. "Thank you, Ren. This is gonna be—"

"Jaz, don't." Serenity lifted a hand to my face. As she lowered it, an expression of concern appeared. "If Momma finds out—"

"She's not gonna find out!" I was adamant she wouldn't. How would she? She and Sister Wallace were delving into the meat of the biggest scandal at church. They were eating up the fact that Minster James had gotten the head of the usher board pregnant. They only shouted "Alright now!" now and then to pretend they were paying us attention.

Faith reappeared, toting a crumpled dress shirt, tailored slacks, and polished loafers in her arms. Serenity's tense posture eased once our mommas' laughter from the living room increased. She assisted Faith in adorning me with my new attire. They giggled as they used a Sharpie to draw on a beard. Anytime I glanced at myself in the mirror, they snatched my chin back to complete their masterpiece. "Keep still," Faith groaned. I couldn't help it. This was way more comfortable than those stupid dresses Momma forced me to wear.

Once I was dressed like an usher boy, our performance began. We sang Destiny's Child songs, in which Faith was Beyoncé, Kelly, and Michelle. I knew to keep my voice low and inaudible in the background. Whenever Serenity got too loud, Faith popped her against the head with her "microphone" (a Barbie Brush). While they argued over vocals, I relished the sensation of the cool fabric of the slacks against my skin. If only I could wear this every Sunday. Every day. No stockings. No dresses. No hot combs. No kitten heels. Momma was territorial over my attire, but in Heaven, I imagined God would let me wear what I desired. This was Heaven.

Until Momma barged into the room. Her laughter petered out, and horror contorted her face. "What in God's name?! What are you wearing, Jazmine?!" She rushed towards me and plucked at the baggy clothes on my frame. "What did y'all do to my baby girl?!" She glanced at Faith first, but her death glare burned into Serenity.