The Girl With The Bowie T-Shirt | Jess Mariano x Fem! Reader

Chapter 1.20 - Not How It Was Supposed To Go

 As I reached an empty area, I sat down on the stairs and pulled my knees up to my chest, burying my head as I let out silenced cries, I heard someone sit next to me, and I lifted my head up slightly to see Jess.

"Go away," I said "I don't want to deal with another asshole right now," I mumbled.

"I may be an asshole, but I'm an asshole that cares about you." I rolled my eyes, "Y/n. What's going on with you? I mean, crying and running away on your graduation day, you were always so excited for graduation." He said. I lifted my head up, wiping the running mascara from my face in a stupid attempt to make myself look better.

"Nothing going how it was supposed to, Jess!" His face grew concerned as he pulled me closer to him, "It wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to get into college! my parents weren't supposed to come! my dad wasn't supposed to be dying! and you! You were supposed to keep your promise! You weren't supposed to stay in new york. You were supposed to come back to stars hollow as you said, or at least contact me!" I burst out as I turned to hide my face in the crook of his neck. "I hate you, Jess," I felt his body stiffen and instantly regretted my words

"You do?" He asked, I shook my head

"No, I don't hate you, not at all. I just hate that you can't keep a goddamn promise and that you keep making me feel things, and then feel other things..." I mumbled,

"I'm sorry," He said, It didn't mean anything to me anymore, he keeps saying sorry, and then giving himself another thing to be sorry for,

"No you're not," I said, he sighed as he asked me to look at him. I removed myself from the crook of his neck but still avoided eye contact. I got up and walked away, I did the same thing that he did, I ran away. I went to the bathroom and fixed my makeup, and went back to the graduation area to find that my parents were gone, but Lorelai, Luke, and Rory were still there. 

"Hey Y/n, you okay?" Lorelai asked me, I shook my head. 

"Can we just go home?" I asked. Lorelai nodded, 

"Of course,"

~

I explained to Lorelai and Rory the phone call I had with Jess, and how he had apologized to me but it meant nothing, and Lorelai explained how he had shown up to the inn looking for a room. 

"I told him I hate him..." I admitted, 

"Do you?" Lorelai asked, I shook my head as I took a moment of thought.

"I don't hate him, I just hate the things he does sometimes. I really don't hate him, I don't know if I even dislike him. It's just, he messed me up, and things between us got messed up so bad, but I just want it to work out, but I can't forgive him, but- ughhh," I groaned. 

"Oh, honey..." Lorelai smiled, I frowned 

"Why are you smiling at a time like this, you're so cruel Lorelai!"

"Because you're in love, Sherlock" She spoke, I suddenly became very flustered

"How could I love him after how much he hurt me?" I scoffed, and she shrugged

"I don't know, you tell me. Love is crazy sometimes,"

"Is it true?" I asked

"Is what true?" She asked

"My dad, does he really have cancer?" Lorelai nodded slowly, my heart sank, but not because I was sad, more because I wasn't as sad as I felt I should be. "I'm such a bad person," Rory and Lorelai both furrowed their brows "He's my dad and he's dying of cancer, I should really be more upset shouldn't I..."

"Sure he's your dad, but he wasn't good to you, he was- is, a bad person. dying of cancer doesn't suddenly make someone a good person, Y/n." Rory said I sighed as I placed my head on her shoulder.