The Girl With The Bowie T-Shirt | Jess Mariano x Fem! Reader

Chapter 2.3 - Past and Present

"Y/n, please don't hang up this time-" The familiar voice from this morning spoke. I didn't hang up this time, after talking to Lorelai, I realized couldn't keep pushing people away forever.

"Mom?..."

"Y/n, Honey-"

"Don't call me that,"

...

"Y/n, I want to apologize, I'm sorry."

"I accept the apology, but I don't forgive you,"

"What?" 

"It's simple, I don't forgive you. Yes, my dad died, and yes, it's sad. but what's also sad is that it takes your husband's death, for you to appreciate me. I don't need your apology any more than I did before he died, I lived 18 years without it. What makes you think anything has changed? You make me question my self-worth, you made me feel things an eight-year-old should never have to feel, you did so much, and you want me to forgive you? nothing that you do will undo the damage you did to me, so maybe I will accept the fact that you apologized, I won't deny it. but I will not, under any circumstances, forgive you..."

"I understand..." Those were two words I had never heard come out of her mouth, However, I didn't have a chance to get a word out before she hung up. I put my headphones back on and took a deep breath before continuing my search for blank paper, and then it fell the letter, there were stains on the envelope from when I went to the post office to send it, and on the bottom of the letter from when I was writing. I never did end up sending it. I picked it up and ripped the envelope open. I pulled the paper out and looked to make sure Eleanor was gone before I read it aloud as the clash played in the background

"Dear Jess..." I read aloud, as I did so, emotions, very different than the ones I felt while talking to my mom, flooded me.

Dear Jess,

I give up, I get the message. You're over it, and guess what, so am I. I've moved on with my life, at least I think so, I won't know for sure until I face you again, however, I'm not sure that will happen considering you haven't been answering my letters. but I'm pretty sure I'm over you. If I disappointed you, I'm sorry. I'm lying, I'm not sorry. You can't be upset about not getting something if you didn't work for it. You pushed me, and you weren't there to catch me when I fell for you,(Omg, She thinks the same way as Lorelai :p) I broke, and when I went to the hospital I asked if you could put my cast on, but you were gone. So I put it on with the help of other people. You left, and I'm healed, and it's too late for you to sign my cast. 

Maybe I did like you, 
Maybe I would've wanted a life with you,
Maybe I loved you.

"But that's the difference between past tense and present, I loved you. it's in the past, and it's too late to get it back. Sincerely, Y/n L/n..." I finished reading, there was a moment of silence before I flinched due to a voice behind me. 

"Thats some great writing right there," I turned around to see Rory, I took off my headphones and was greeted with the 'happy screams' (Quoted by Max Mayfield) coming from Eleanor's bedroom.

"Sorry about Eleanor..." I cringed.

"It's fine, I live in a college dorm, I'm used to it," She shrugged.

"Wanna go somewhere to talk, away from here?" I asked, she nodded

~

Third person POV

As the two girls walked through town, a car that hadn't driven through town in a while passed by, not to the girl's attention. 

"So, the letter..." Rory spoke.

"Oh, yeah that. I'm not gonna send it, I gave up on the letters, I don't even think he opens them..." Her friend responded. they brunette shrugged

"I don't know, I think you should send it, you know, grand finale." She spoke. Y/n let out an airy laugh as she shook her head, knowing her friend was probably right, but not knowing who had gotten out of their car to watch her from around the corner. "Or I could set you up with a Yale man," Rory added. Y/n raised her eyebrows.

"Wow, you would do that for me? A hopeless small-town girl?" She asked.

"Absolutely!" Rory said as they both laughed

"Upgrade from a city boy to a Yale man, not bad."

The brunette city boy watched from around the corner as the girl he lost walked down the sidewalk. She seemed happier. Happier than she was when she was with him. It was at that moment that he questioned why he had come back to town. It was at that moment he realized she didn't need him, and that she was over him. But was she? Or was she just laughing to distract herself from the fact that she was not, in fact, over the brunette city boy who went by the name of Jess Mariano...