Falling for my step dad // Cake

12.

[Luke]

I wake up a few hours later to all these different noises around me and loud snoring, I open my eyes and see dad asleep on the chair I smile a little and look at Sammy as he holds onto me.

I sigh and turn my head looking out the window, just watching the trees moving in the wind I start to think about what I did a few tears slipping down my cheek when the doctor comes in to check on me.

I look at him and then look away and back out the window. I hear a loud thud and giggle quietly to myself knowing dad just fell out of the chair and he groans loudly.

"That's what happens when you sleep in the chair." I giggle

"Where else am I supposed to sleep?!" He mumbles snappily

My mood instantly changes and I roll over pulling Sammy with me as he cuddles back up to me. 'This is exactly how I wanted to spend my birthday.' I think to myself and listen to dad as he talks to the doctor and they come back in the room

"Come on Luke, we're going home." Dad says

I sit in silence and get my stuff not knowing what to say to him anymore. Sammy walks out along side me holding my hand as we go to the car, I put him in his seat in the back and I sit in the front putting my foot on the seat.

"Why won't you talk to me Luke?" Dad asks as we sit at the lights

"I don't know what to say to you anymore." I mumble looking out the window

"Nothing's changed you know that?!" He says

"Everything has changed, we kissed you told me we could try and make things work, you go of and kiss that slut I run away and then try to kills myself. How can you say nothing has changed?! Because clearly it has." I say chewing on my lip holding the tears back

"We can just go back to the way things were before we kissed, like nothing ever happened if that's what you really want." He mumbles

"No, I don't want things to go back to that, it was boring and I had to hide my feelings. I don't want to hide my feelings for you, why can't you just get that through your head." I say running my hands through my hair

The rest of the car ride home was silent Sammy didn't even say anything I was surprised. I could tell dad was grumpy because he just storms off inside, I get Sammy out and he runs in and straight to Fluffy and starts playing with him.

I go and sit at the kitchen table where my laptop was and start typing a letter to dad.

"Dear dad,
It was to hard for me to tell you this in person so I thought it would be easier for me to do it this way. I'm 16 I don't know what love is but what I do know is I'm chorusing on you hard. I'm sorry that I ran away and that I tried to kill myself I should have thought about everyone around me and how it would effect you and Sammy. I wasn't thinking straight my head is all over the place I don't know what to think right now, but I do know I need stop being so selfish and start thinking of others. I guess I haven't come to the realisation that mum is gone for good and she will never come back and I will never hear her voice or see her face again.

I was horrible to her the day before she left, I know I wasn't the best kid but I try I try my hardest and I guess that just wasn't good enough for her. I just don't know what to do anymore I really don't, my thought and actions are getting the better of me. Some things that go through my head are horrible and I don't know how to stop them I really don't and I hate them. That's why I tried to end it all for me because of the voices in my head and then I had other voices in my head saying you need to be here and be with the little boy who looks up to you and calls you dad.

I don't expect a reply or anything from this, I just needed to get it all out so you know. I love you dad."

I print it out and walk up to his room hearing that he was asleep I walk in slowly and put it on his bedside table and walk out and go sit on the couch while Sammy still runs around with Fluffy.

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Wow that was deep but this is just me getting my feelings out in this chapter

I hope your enjoying it :)