Echoes of Emotion (Sebastian Sallow x OC)

Chapter 28 - Light and Dark

The next person I needed to talk to was Sebastian.
And it was exactly who I was dreading the most.
Natty and Poppy had their own suggestions about how to do it, but of course, they turned it into more of a confession than an apology.
In the end, I decided that I needed to do more than just pull him aside and try to explain.
I needed him to really listen.

I remembered the day he told me what happened to Anne.
How he showed me the plateau where she was cursed, bringing us to the estate where Rookwood and his men were searching.
And that's when it hit me.
I quickly scribbled down a note for Sebastian before giving it to my owl, with Natty and Poppy rather confused.
I hadn't told them my idea, but I had assured them it would make him listen.
He had to.
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I waited for what seemed like hours outside the courtyard where I fought Rookwood, the ruins bringing back some unpleasant memories.
Thankfully, Sebastian arrived before I could completely spiral down that path, even if he looked less than happy to be here.
"Thank you for coming." I greeted awkwardly, slightly surprised he came at all.
He continued to walk towards me, his face seeming blank as he locked eyes with me.
"Is there a reason you wanted to meet here?" he asked, getting straight to the point.
He seemed irritated.
Probably because he thought this was some elaborate game to explain myself.
To be honest, that wouldn't exactly be wrong.

On that note, I began scanning the surrounding area, until my eyes landed on a particular spot.
I began making my way towards it, checking my surroundings to make sure I was correct, and soon enough, I was standing right where I wanted to be.
I turned back to look at Sebastian, his face showing signs of confusion as I pointed to the ground.
"This is where I arrived when Rookwood teleported me here." I began, pausing as I awaited Sebastian's reaction.
He still seemed confused by the information, but there was a new look of realisation as he realised why we were here.

I took the opportunity to look around again, recognising a mark on the ground, making my stomach turn.
Reluctantly, I walked over to the mark, willing myself forward as my body became heavier the closer I got.
Finally, when I reached the spot, I turned to Sebastian again, pointing an unsteady hand down to the mark, refusing to look at it again.
"And this... is where Rookwood died." I forced out the words, trying my best to disassociate with their meaning.

Sebastian's face twisted with emotions as he looked between myself and the mark, like he was trying to picture the event that unfolded here.
He looked like he had a million questions, but also like he wanted to move closer, to comfort me.
But I wasn't here for that.
I was here to give him an explanation.
"I was so angry when I realised what Rookwood did that I couldn't think. I wanted to cause suffering. I wanted those Ashwinders to turn on each other. I wanted Rookwood dead. Because he caused you all that pain." my words became bitter as I remembered that fight, how that was the first time I had felt rage so intense.
I never thought I was capable before that.
And now, it scared me.

Sebastian was silent for a moment, taking in my words as he recalled all that Rookwood had caused.
But in the end, his brows just seemed to furrow together, another question emerging.
"Why didn't you tell me?" his voice seemed almost hurt, his eyes looking at me as though he were a puppy, begging for an answer.
"I didn't want you to think less of me." I admitted, the words sounding silly as soon as they left my mouth, because I knew exactly what his reaction would be.
"Of all people, why would I think less of you?" his voice was raised now as he began walking closer to me.

He seemed offended at the thought, taking it to heart as we were in the same boat.
But he didn't understand the whole picture, he hadn't had the whole summer to spiral down the train of thoughts that had led me to this.
I did it for him, and that was a terrifying thought, that I was willing to go so far.
But also because of how insensitive it was.
"Because it had just happened, Sebastian. And after seeing the pain it caused you, I still asked you to teach me, and then I used it before I even had the chance to speak with you again." my voice was raised now, but it wasn't aimed at him, it was aimed at myself.
I was angry at the way I had handled it all.
My friend needed me, and instead I went out to get a wand, and ended up getting revenge with a spell that had caused the most pain.