Unsound Devotion

XI

It was mid-January, the frost was still lingering, and Jess couldn't focus on her college application because her mind was on a certain red-haired woman who sometimes texted her at night saying that she missed her more every day, although lately her messages had been less and less. And Jess felt it too. This emptiness that now belonged only to Eva, and only she could fill it. Unable to concentrate on the books, she sat in the workshop until late at night. Tara had already transferred to a new school, so Jess could only talk to Kate. Mrs. Trenton sometimes gave her furtive glances or smiles, but nothing else and Jess, despite her logical resolutions, felt that her emotions escaped logic and involuntarily began to feel ... sick with love.

She couldn't have Eva, not like she wanted to.

"So what? Are you coming over tonight so we can prepare your application?" Kate asked cheerfully over lunch.

Jess muttered something under her breath.

"I'm starting to think maybe you're communicating telepathically and I just can't hear you." Kate winked at her.

"I'll be there at 6, okay?"

"Perfect. See you then." And gave Jess a kiss on the cheek. After a while the bell rang and Jess got up to go to math class.

She saw Eva watching her, just getting ready to leave with the rest of the teachers.

"Hey Jess, I was just wondering when I'd meet you. This school is much bigger than a private high school." Elle approached her unexpectedly and Jess looked at the girl. She looked a bit different. She had blue highlights in her blonde hair and a skirt that was way too short.

"Hi Ella." Jess murmured. "I have to go to class."

"Oh, so you're more of a nerd, huh?"

"I don't like being late." Jess scowled, knowing full well where her reluctance came from - Elle was causing problems for Eva, and Jess couldn't stand that Eva was burdened by something her daughter was doing. She firmly passed the blonde, but girl grabbed her wrist tightly.

"What's up Jess? Why are you acting like this with me?" Shakily asked, suddenly something changed in her eyes. "Oh, I see...my mother must have said something about me, right? She wants to send me to rehab or stop being a lesbian?"

Jess frowned, feeling sweat trickling down her back. She didn't like lying.

"Listen Elle, all I know is that you've been transferred, not for good behavior I suppose. And now I really have to go to class."

Jess said and ran to class, she was 10 minutes late.

"Stay after class, Miss Hunter." Eva snapped at her angrily as Jess burst into class.

She sat down in her seat and pulled out her textbook. But her thoughts were in disarray, and Eva ignored her throughout class.

She stayed after everyone left and the redhead managed to pack her things before finally turning to Jess, making sure the door was locked.

"You think you can be late just because you're sleeping with me?" She growled at the girl, who sat stunned.

"What?"

"Don't act stupid, Jess. You're late and you didn't take a single note."

"I couldn't concentrate, Eva. You ignored me again. You promised to be fair."

"It's Mrs. Trenton, Jess, don't forget who you're talking to." Eva snapped. Jess got up and walked over to her.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked. "I was late because Elle stopped me..."

"So stop fucking around other girls and make sure you're on time."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jess was getting angry, she gripped the strap of her bag tighter.

"About dating Kate? Maggie told me Kate texts you all the time. Apparently you've also dropped Tara off after prom and she stayed at your place! You think I'm stupid? Rumors spread fast. But just so you know, that if you get close to my daughter I'll fucking kill you." Eva gasped with such hatred and venom in her voice that Jess's ears were ringing, she felt her heart break.

"Maybe..." Jess began softly, hating how her voice trembled. "Maybe if you didn't listen to the gossips and let me explain, you'd know that I gave Tara a lift and she stayed at my place because she didn't want to go home after what her boyfriend did - cheating on her with another girl. Kate is helping me write my college application, I have no control over what people say about me at home." Jess spoke with difficulty now. "I trusted you, I was fair. I don't know what more you expect from me. You want to own me, Eva. When I don't own you at all."

Jess walked out of there, leaving the dazed, panting woman, now leaning heavily against the desk. The brunette took the truck and drove out of town to the little playground where James and Cherry would sometimes take her on weekends when she was younger and had some money for ice cream.

She rocked on the freezing bench until it got dark. Feeling so alienated like never before. She knew she was a freak, she had been all her life. But she thought Eva just saw her... as her... why did she tell her that she loved her? Shouldn't love be unconditional?