Unsound Devotion

XVII

Five years later

Jess

Jess knew it wouldn't be easy. Nothing had ever been easy in her life. Fortunately, she had so many things to do that she couldn't dwell on the past. Except for the lonely nights spent in the attic room that old Angie had assigned to her. For the first year of her stay at the ranch, she would sneak out every morning to wash the wet sheets. Every night she was plagued by nightmares in which Eva would leave her alone, without a word, walking off into the unknown, and she would fall, fall down. And then she would wake up and her bed would be wet. To her shame, she would sneak out so as not to wake the numerous residents of the house. This went on for a whole year. Her panic attacks became more frequent, and she had no one familiar next to her.

Angie was a dear old lady who cooked perfectly. However, there was hardly any conversation in her house, and Jess was grateful for this on the one hand, but on the other, she regretted that there was no kind soul there. Occasionally she spoke to James on the phone, but he had become even less talkative than before since she left his home. Angie and the rest of her family, and that family was numerous. Angie lived in the old house, with her three sons and two daughter-in-laws and six grandchildren, who were constantly messing around with something. Jess fortunately had a separate room in the attic, which she shared with Angie's youngest son, who was not yet married. Charlie was a nice boy, but he was only interested in tractors and the field. So were his older brothers. Women took care of the children and the house, and also helped with the animals. Jess felt there, as if she found herself far from civilization in a whole new world. However, she quickly found her place in the backyard workshop repairing whatever she could, until even Angie's neighbors started using her services. This way she was able to earn her keep and put something aside for school.

Yes, it was five hard years, paid for by hard work in the blazing sun and a dark, smelly workshop. Despite the many people around her, Jess never felt more alone. Yes, she met a few people at night school - the only one that accepted her so she could finish her education and apply to college - but she didn't let anyone get close to her. Angie told her once that she had gone quite feral in their wilderness. And she was right. If it weren't for the fact that she sometimes had to speak up to others and take classes, she would have stopped talking altogether. Conversations with James were also getting shorter and shorter and less frequent. And Jess busied herself with what worked out best for her - work. She drooled over the designs for the houses she wanted to present at a college project. Although it was a crappy college, Jess decided to open her own business immediately, knowing that no one would take her on after such a school.

The only person Jess kept in touch with was Kate. The girl was stubborn and did not give Jess a break, even after the hardest time, when Jess just growled at everyone around her to leave her alone. Kate studied at Standford, and although she tried to do everything she could to make sure Jess didn't feel removed from her life, the brunette still felt a stab of regret thinking about her missed chance for a good education. But she had to move on with her life. Kate was studying mathematics to become a genius and probably a professor like her father, or to work at NASA, she hadn't decided yet. She also had a boyfriend, which took some of the blame off Jess, who blamed herself for causing Kate's suffering with her relationship with Eva.

As for Eva... Jess didn't want to talk about her. Kate only told her that nothing had changed at the Trentons'. Eva gave birth to a son, continued to work as a teacher, and Elle moved into Kate's house, occupying her room. Her parents took care of Elle, who no longer wanted to live with her parents. Jess did not inquire about the reasons. She didn't want her to care. It shouldn't interest her... and yet... nights, lying in bed, she would shudderingly recall Eva's every touch, she could still feel her lips on hers, she could recall her scent, her face, her voice....