Fell In Love In Stages // a matty healy fanfic

3rd Stage of Grief: Bargaining

A&R Music Bar: Columbus, Ohio

*t/w: drugs*

As I leaned over the sink, my stomach churned with nausea. I couldn't hold it back any longer, and I retched, the bitter taste of bile filling my mouth. The sickness engulfed me.
I knew I had to get my metal box back. It had been 36 hours since I last used. The withdrawals were starting to show, and I couldn't bear the thought of going on stage feeling this way.

I take methadone. I limit myself to 30mg a day. Anything more just builds up your tolerance. I check every pill I get for purity.
I have 8mg suboxone. It helps with the opioid dependence.
0.2mg Clonidine, twice a day for elevated blood pressure.
And finally, I go through 2 packs of smokes a day. Easily.
And yet...

"George, man. You don't understand. I can't do this without it. I promise, I'll only use on off days. Just please, get it back for me," I plead.

He sighed, torn between wanting to help me and wanting to protect me from myself.
"We can't enable you, Matty. You know that."

My mind raced, searching for anything that could sway him. "George, listen to me," I begged, my voice shaky. "I won't go on stage tonight if you don't get it back. I can't perform like this. You know how important this show is to us."

He looked at me, his expression perplexed. "Is that a threat, mate?"
"Yes," I said defiantly, my hands trembling. "You either give me what I want, or there is no show tonight."

"You're seriously gonna do that to the fans?" he scoffs.
"Yes" I say again, this time a little less sure of myself.
"I don't believe you" he says challengingly, crossing his arms.

"George. Look at me, please. I want to put on a good show just as much as the rest of you. But I can't do it without it. Please, just this once."

He hesitated, his eyes locked with mine. I could see he was struggling with wanting to help me and his loyalty to the band.

"Fuck," he finally says, relenting. "I hate that you're making me do this."
His words stung, but I only had one thing on my mind. I reached my hand out and he placed a small baggie on it.
Relief turned to rage upon closer inspection.
"What the fuck is this???" I yell out.
"It's called a bargain" is all he says before he walks to the door and slams it shut behind him.

The substance was Snow White as opposed to the brown I was expecting it to be. I lick my finger and dip it into the powder. I cautiously touch the tip of my tongue with the same finger. I knew exactly what it was.
Cocaine.
I rub the rest on my teeth and gums.