SHATTERING LIFE | Anthony Lockwood | Lockwood and Co

2. The Start of Something New

━━•✩.♡.✩•━━

What's left if I give you my all?
Give you my all, give you my all?

– Memories (Thutmose)

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The rest of the night felt like a fever dream. Whenever I shut my eyes, I could see John, the dark hollowness that was where his right eye should have been. The pouring blood which transferred to my dad's body.

My dad. My own father did this. The man who raised me. Who was there to hold my tiny body right after I was born. He used to feed me, take care of me. He might not have been a soft or kindhearted person but for some reason I thought of him differently. Of course, I knew very well that behind his successes there were things I didn't know – truths I wanted to ignore. He built his business on innocent lives. Somehow, a part of my brain idealised him, refusing to think of him as the villain. But last night I got to exclusively witness it from the first seat.

I could feel that something had snapped in me. I couldn't imagine myself sitting at the same table as my father without seeing his dark side anymore. I wasn't able to push that memory out of my head.

So when I woke up in the morning, I had to collect every amount of energy I got from the little bit of sleep. When I looked into the bathroom mirror, I couldn't miss the dark circles under my eyes either. To cover them, I put on some concealer but even from my point of view I could see that my work wasn't perfect. Sighing in defeat, I left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.

Breakfast was already on the table. Almost my whole family was there except for my dad. Mum greeted me shortly which I returned but I barely looked at her. Has she ever done the same thing as my father?

While I was eating, dad arrived at last but I spared him no look which didn't seem to faze him at all because he took a seat just like every day. As if last night had never happened. As if he had never tortured a man who acted out of desperation.

I kept my eyes on the food but after a few bites I gave up. The breakfast consisted of sausages with ketchup but I could not make myself taste the red part. It reminded me too much of John. It was too fresh. I sent a quick glance to dad who was casually reading his newspaper. Next to him, mum was drinking her cup of coffee but as if she felt my gaze on her, she raised her head, her eyes meeting mine.

"Is something bothering you, Celaena?" she asked me, her eyes wandering to my half full plate.

I immediately returned to staring at my half eaten food. There was no way she didn't know what her husband was doing in the middle of the nights. Especially not when she was his partner, in everything. They were their own builders of their grand empire.

"What's wrong, Cellie?" Leo asked, his big, innocent eyes looking at me.

Before I could tell him that everything was perfectly fine, dad threw the newspaper he was reading on the table, earning everybody's attention.