TWENTY-FIVE

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Being bedridden has left you with very little to do. There's no television in the room as there's never really anybody in there long term to use it and the small old radio is mostly static or boring chatter. You've spent a lot of your time writing in your notebook about everything that's been going on- your time with the boys, the dream, Chris and his warning, and the details on how your injury is healing.

You've filled quite a few pages at this point and are already almost done with your first journal. It was first mostly for notes about the patients and your progress with them along with your day to day thoughts and feelings. Now it's filled with drama, nightmares, and your thoughts and feelings about Chris rather than work or your patients. You never would've thought that so much would happen in such a short amount of time.

Other nurses quit just from the discomfort they felt towards their patients- which you find a bit ridiculous since it's their job to deal with such people. You, on the other hand, have stuck around long past the point of discomfort. Of course, that feeling was never towards the boys. It's always more towards Chris and the man in your nightmares. Those two reasons alone should've pushed you towards quitting and moving on yet the thought to do so never once crossed your mind.

There's a multitude of reasons as to why you won't quit.

One being that you've grown far too attached to the boys. After spending every day with them since you started here you can't quite imagine life without them now.

The second reason is that you have no clue if the nightmares will continue even when you quit and move far away. Yes, the nightmares started shortly after you started working here but the man doesn't seem like he'll stop messing with you until you're dead. The last time you saw him he had failed to kill you so you're certain he's going to try again. You've lost quite a bit of sleep due to that lingering fear.

Thirdly is that Chris hasn't given you any real signs that he's dangerous in any way. While he may seem slightly stalker-ish there's still the slim chance that his appearance at the Sanitarium was entirely coincidental. There's also that slight chance that he's just not very good with boundaries. While he does make you uncomfortable at times it does seem like he genuinely cares about you.

The entire Chris situation seems to be the least of your worries yet it seems to be the easiest to solve. To put your mind at ease about him you've considered breaking into Wanda's office to search for his file. While it will be a severe breach in privacy and highly illegal it should tell you everything you need to know about him. When he started working there, any medical or mental problems, any possible reports of harassment against other nurses or employees.

The question is if it's worth the risk.

You'd have to not only figure out a way into the office but you'd have to do it at night when Chris is patrolling since his friend still isn't back from paternity leave. He could very easily catch you snooping through his file if you manage to successfully break in and find it. If he does there's no telling how he'll react. Chances are he could finish what the man in your nightmare started.

The thought of being killed also brings your thoughts back to what Chris had said.

In the time that you've been at the Sanitarium you've never really thought of any of your patients harming you in any way. In the beginning there might've been a fleeting thought here or there about it but nothing too serious. Since growing closer to them those thoughts had completely disappeared until now. Now you genuinely aren't sure what to think.

While you had read through all of their files you mainly focused on reading about their personalities, likes, dislikes and the like. You didn't really bother with reading the pages upon pages that detailed each individual crime they committed. You knew that with such notorious killers the details would be gruesome. Not knowing them made you feel better and much safer around them since it kept you from imagining them in those situations and in turn kept you from imagining yourself as the victim in them.

With Chris warning you not to get too close for your own safety you've grown a bit curious. Of course you know a few things about some of them just from the news but as someone who doesn't pay much attention due to how boring it gets you only heard bits and pieces which practically left your mind almost as soon as you heard it.

You still have the files so you could very easily give in to temptation. Your only concern is that your feelings towards them will unwillingly change upon reading the entirety of their files. No matter how much you like and care for them there's still the possibility that all of that will change once you get the image of their crimes in your head. That you'll look at them and you'll see brutal killers rather than the kind men you currently see them as.

You truly don't want to ruin what you have with them by giving in to curiosity and reading the countless pages of torture and death that they each committed. They'll notice the difference in your demeanor instantly- especially Hannibal with his observant ways. It'd be impossible to act as if nothing has changed.

Though, there is the slimmest possibility that your view of them doesn't change at all, so is the temptation worth giving in? There's only really one way to find out.

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