Forbidden Pleasure

Chapter 8

"Because what's worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?" 
— James Patterson

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CHAPTER 8

I was just silent while eating and my sister is the only one who's talking.

"Hindi ko na ba talaga mababago pasya mo? I want to spend more time with my sister," nakabusangot na sambit ni ate habang kausap si Kaius.

My finger still had the band aid he put on me this morning. Hindi na ako nagsalita pa sa nangyari kagabi. I shouldn't give meaning to that act, kahit sino ay gagawin ang ginawa niya. So stop assuming something, Sam.

Mariin kong pinikit ang aking mga mata. "Can I rest for today, Ate? I'm really tired." Kahit hindi ako umakting, alam kong pagod ang pinapakita ng mukha ko. I had sleepless night and that's because of her husband.

I saw how my sister's face softened. "You surely are. Of course, you can rest."

Ngumiti lamang ako rito at muling nagsimulang sumubo. I can feel Kaius' stares as I continued eating without even glancing at him. Minadali ko ang aking pagkain. Nang matapos ay nilagay ko muna sa sink ang mga plato at akmang huhugasan ito nang pigilan ako ng isang kasambahay.

"Let the maids handle the dishes, Architect Kainashi," sambit ni Kaius.

"Ice," tawag pansin ni ate. "She's my sister. Pwedeng sa opisina na kayo maging propesyonal? Na sa bahay tayo. Just call her Sam or Lex. Same with you, Sam." Bumaling sa akin ni ate. "Call Ice Kuya. Mahirap bang gawin 'yun?"

I bit my lip to stop myself from contradicting my sister. Instead, I chose to nod and smile. "Sige po, Ate."

Ate Resha smiled. "That's good. Magpahinga ka muna. Tatawagin na lang kita kapag magpapasama ako."

Tumango akong muli at ngumiti. "Pasok muna ako sa kwarto, Ate." I looked at Kaius. "Kuya." Bahagya pa akong napangiwi nang sambitin 'yun.

He just gave me a blank stare and continued eating. Hindi na ako nagsalita pa at lumabas na ng hapag-kainan. Mariin kong pinikit ang aking mga mata at hinihilot ang aking sintido habang naglalakad patungong guestroom na tinutuluyan ko ngayon. Alam ko namang walang masasagi sa aking paglalakad kaya kampante akong magpikit-mata habang binabaybay ang daan.

Fuck, anemia. I heaved a deep breath as I turned the door knob. Pumasok ako sa loob at isinarado ang pinto sa likod ko. Naglakad ako patungong kama at binagsak ang aking sarili roon. Maybe I'll just take a bath later.

Nagising na lang ako sa isang marahang pag-uga sa aking balikat. "Hmm..." I groaned.

"Wake up, Sam. May pag-uusapan daw kayo ni Ice," she whispered on my ear.

"Ate, inaantok pa ako," nakabusangot kong sambit.

"Sleepyhead. You're not a teenage girl anymore. Bangon ka na. Tanghaling tapat na, oh." Muli pa akong inuga ni ate Resha bago ito umalis sa kama. "Maligo ka na at magbihis, pupunta tayong opisina ni Kaius."

Muli akong napaungot at nakasimangot na bumangon. I felt like I just went back to the past. My sister wakes me up in the morning, tells me to take a bath, and prepares my meals before going to school. But unlike before, there's something different. And those changes make a big difference. I don't feel at home.

Literal na hindi ko bahay ito. But before, whenever my sister woke me up, I really felt at home. Warm and safe. But now, my home is not here. My home is in Manila. Ang uuwian ko at ang uuwiin ko.