Forbidden Pleasure

Chapter 21

"I think we're just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that."
─ anonymous

∞

Chapter 21

"Can't sleep?" tanong ni Hiro at tumabi sa akin.

Alas kuwatro na ng madaling araw, kanina pa sila tapos sa paglalaro. Hindi ko na rin nakita si Kaius pagkatapos ng laro. Inaya rin ako ni Helena na umuwi na pero ang sabi ko ay magtatagal muna ako rito ng ilang minuto. But the minute I told her became an hour. Gusto ko rin munang mapag-isa.

Ngumiti ako nang malungkot habang nakatitig sa kalmadong dagat. The moon was about to vanish, but the stars remained twinkling. "It's hard to fall asleep when your heart is at war with your mind," I mumbled.

"That's why you're staring into the horizon like a lost woman, sitting on the seashore," he murmured. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing." Niyakap ko ang aking sarili nang biglang umihip ang malamig na hangin. "I was just thinking... How will I stop this mess?"

"And?"

"I'm thinking of ending it now," I said, nilingon ko ito at nginitian. "I'll be filling out a resignation letter the moment we step back on Manila. I-I can't handle the pain and this situation anymore."

Ramdam kong natigilan si Hiro sa narinig. "You're leaving?"

"For good." I smiled sadly.

I saw him lift his gaze at the view behind me. Out of curiosity, nilingon ko ito. Bumungad sa akin ang naglalakad na si Kaius. He's wearing black shorts and a white shirt that hug his toned muscles.

"You really need to end it," Hiro murmured. "I'll give you both time. I'll go ahead."

Pilit ko itong nginitian at tumango. Hiro stood up before Kaius got near us.

"It's too early to have a date, Alexis," mariing bungad nito.

Should I tell him? Pero paano ko sisimulan?

Nakatitig lamang ako sa kanyang mukha. His eyebrows almost became one line. Napangiti naman ako at wala sa sariling hinawakan ang panga niya. I caressed his jaw to his cheeks and lightly brushed my thumb on his lips. My eyes started to water, remembering my son.

I miss him.

Sa hindi ko namalayan, tumulo ang luha ko. Sa harap ng taong mahal na mahal ko. My tears fell even more as I cupped his cheeks. Kita ko kung paano siya mataranta at hinapit ang bewang ko.

He wiped my tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked in a hushed voice.

Umiling ako at hindi ko na mapigilan pa. I wrapped my arms around his nape as I locked the smallest distance between us. I hugged him tight. Lahat ng sakit, lungkot, at pagkabigo ay binuhos ko sa yakap. I know he's wondering about my weird behavior.

"Are you okay?" he asked and pulled me closer, encircling his arms around my waist.

I'm not okay. "I just want to hug you. Hindi ba pwede?"

Hindi na ito nagsalita pa, sa halip ay mas hinigpitan nito ang kanyang yakap at ramdam kong hinalikan niya ang aking ulo. I looked up at him and smiled; my eyes are misty.

I cupped his cheeks and whispered, "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not letting you know about your son. I'm sorry for not giving you the right to do your role as our son's father. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for stealing your time when it's supposed to be for my sister. I'm sorry for making you a sinner.