Let my fires protect you || Kaz Brekker X Reader

12. Jurda Parem

I climbed the roof of the slat, sat down in a ball, and tried so hard to stifle the sobs that I could feel coming, it's a sign of weakness to cry here and I was far from weak, I had to try. Why is it that no matter what I do or say this legend is staring me in the face every moment of every day? I just want to be free, I don't want to be tied to this, I want to be normal. The tears came uncontrollably, Kaz and I were now known for being the barrels most horrifying monsters, everywhere I go people recoil from me, children start crying terrified I'll burn them inside out with a glance. I was glad that some people didn't go near me, I mean I don't know them, they all probably want me dead to be honest but the very few innocent people I see, to have them completely terrifed of me is heart-breaking. I don't want to be the monster they see. 

I heard light footsteps, Inej. she sat down next to my curled up form and attempted to rest her hand on mine, I flinched and she retracted it. "He means well, if people stop being afraid of you then slavers will come." 

"I know, it doesn't make this any easier though." My identity as a grisha in Ketterdam is a certain one but slavers are shit scared of me because of that goddamn legend, it makes things easier but caution still needs to be taken. "It gets easier, trust me." she states with a smile, Inej is also someone who people are terrified of too, I forget sometimes but I shouldn't, I suppose it's just easy when you know her so well. "We should probably head down." Inej stands and I do too, "Thank you for everything." she smiles and we head down to the actual entrance.

~

Kaz had returned later than expected, I mean sometimes he takes detours, just because he could, but it had been at the very least an hour since the parley at the exchange. People swarmed him the moment he returned wanting information on the Black Tips, he brushed them off and went straight to Per Haskell. I looked at Inej and clearly she had the same idea, eavesdrop. We went to the second floor and went into an old closet directly above Per Haskell's office, it was dark and cramped filled with a bunch of junk, broken chairs, cleaning supplies, the usual stuff. Underneath one of the chairs their was a grate which gave a decent view of the old man's office. 

Kaz had been reprimanded for not discussing Bolliger, I mean if we could eavesdrop on this conversation here, then other people could, they'd just be too terrified because it's Kaz. Kaz also said he'd be away for a big job and would ask for Pim to be in charge. I couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy, Kaz had turned me into this monster and now he wasn't using me, it kind of made things feel pointless. Maybe it was because no one really listened to me in the Dregs, I mainly hung out with Jesper, him, and Inej, the Dregs didn't know me too well, they saw me as the whore who turned into a global legend, I mean whenever I went downstairs people still tried to see the whore, they have the burn scars on their bodies to prove it. 

Kaz left the room and we walked upstairs with him, Inej talked to him about what happened with Rojakke, oh, I didn't realise he'd gone, I didn't talk to him so I didn't care. "Shut the door." he said as we entered, I did so.

"I have a job for you. What do you say to three point four million Kruge?" that would allow me to pay off my debt to Haskell, I'd be free, Inej too. I could finally go to Ravka, get proper training with Zoya. "Money like that is more curse than gift." Inej states, now that I think about it there are probably strings attached, problems that will arise. "My little Suli Idealist. All you need is a full belly and an open road?" 

"And an easy heart, how many people will we be killing for this?" I ask, I don't need to become even more of a monster than I seem to be to the entire world. "No chance in having that, probably a good few. I don't know about you two but I'd rather have the cash. Do you want the money or not?" This still made me feel uneasy, like Ravka happening all over again. "What's the job?"