Let my fires protect you || Kaz Brekker X Reader

21. Trapped

A/n - In this there a strong depictions of what it's like for haphephobic people, which Kaz is. It was uncomfortable for me to write as someone who is haphephobic but as I understand it's graphic so if you'd like to just skip past it, I wouldn't blame you.

I also apologise for taking so long with this chapter, my mental health got worse, I had exams and honestly I couldn't focus on this despite how much I tried. I do hope you enjoy the chapter as I have enjoyed writing it.

We were led through one of the gates when we encountered the human amplifier. They could sense Grisha power through touch, but hopefully the paraffin Nina and I put on our arms would work. It had to work. 

I watched Nina approach, her hands trembling. She placed her hand in the amplifier's and was then nodded through. So the paraffin did work, that was comforting. 

It was my turn now, I walked to the amplifier and placed my hand in hers, and then the world lit on fire. Fire ignited between our hands and ran down our legs to form a ring around us, it then ran up our arms. She started screaming and writhing in my hand, I tried to let go but she wouldn't let me. I continued to try and wrench my arm from hers but by the time I was able to get free, it was only because she was a pile of ash. Shit.

They came for me and my eyes immediately went to Kaz, his brow was furrowed and I could see the hint of frustration and fear, the same was on everyone else's face but it was more prominent.  "DRUSJE!" The Fjerdan's shouted, and the other word was shouted, "Phoenix!" I felt their arms on me and I writhed in their grasp, I screamed for them to let go, I couldn't be in chains again. Not again. Never. I lit a few guards on fire in my attempt to get free and then there was black, something had hit me around the head, hard. Hopefully I was dead. 

Kaz Pov -

What have I brought her into? Why didn't I just leave her in Ketterdam? She'd have been safer, she could handle herself and was stronger than anyone, even the Sun Summoner. I felt frantic, and it was a struggle not to tremble, how can we go on without her? 

The plan has to go on as normal, we just have one more prisoner to break out after ourselves. "We're breaking her out too, right?" Both Nina and Inej ask, "Obviously, no one is to be left behind." They smile and I notice the rest of them do too, including Helvar.

 A flash of Jordie and Rollins went through my mind. Brick by brick. "Just ensure we focus on the main task first." Inej's jaw clenched, "Screw that, she's sacrificed enough since joining the dregs. She is the main task now, get her then Yul-Bayur." Everyone seconded, including Helvar. "We don't even know where she is, it's best if we focus on the Yul-Bayur and then we can get her."

"And what if she's dead before that?" Helvar asks, to my surprise, "That won't happen." Then the Fjerdan's commanded some words and I noticed Helvar and the others start to strip.

The trembling got worse and I felt bile rise up in my throat. There was no protection of my skin here, there was no [N] to bring any sense of comfort like in the wagon. I focused on my breathing, on the heat it gave me and by the time I had removed all my clothes, I imagined she was right by my side, at the distance she normally kept. Close enough for me to know she was there, but far enough away to keep me sane. Now she was further than that, her whereabouts were unknown to me. I wanted to know where she was, I wanted her close, I wanted her. 

I noticed Jesper staring at my no longer gloved hands, "What were you expecting?" 

"Claws, at least, possibly a spiny thumb." 

"Sorry to disappoint." I spit, Jesper's eyes move to his feet. The guard came back from putting our clothes into the incinerator and my heart dropped, I knew it would happen but the lack of protection I had made me feel cold, bare, like corpses were all around me and clawing at me. "I'm alive." I flinch and try to resist the desire to hold myself and keel inwards. The guard forced my head back and black spots started to cloud my vision. "I'm alive." I flinch again but it's hidden by him shoving his fingers into my mouth. I started to feel my body limp, limp like Jordie was, limp like the corpses in the reapers barge. 

My mind went into a comfortable blankness and I was able to remain still as he wedged in between my teeth and tore out the two other lockpicks. He spewed some words and then threw his fist into my face. It tore me from that comforting feeling but I got back up. 

I could feel the fear of Wylan behind my back but continued on to be hosed down and passed the colourless prison uniform. As I limped on the trousers, I would have had half a mind to trade my share of the thirty million for my cane.

[N] Pov -

I was surrounded by a white void. Was this the afterlife? "[N]." I turned around and looked to see my mother. She seemed healthier, calmer. My only memories of her from when she wasn't sick was when she was getting sick, she'd cough and for a few months it was just bile, and then it was blood, and then the coughing stopped, she was dead. But she was all I knew, she worked for a bit beforehand and made sure I had bread to eat, albeit stale and moldy, but it was something and then she'd sing me to sleep. Later, the singing stopped, most coherent sentences did. "Mama!" 

I ran to her and she embraced me tightly, "It's so good to see you. I'm sorry I wasn't there long, that I hadn't known you, that I hadn't protected you from the horror's you fell too." 

"It's okay. I have people now, I know my own strength. I'm safe." Tears started to well at the corners of my eyes and she wiped them away, "Don't cry, my little ember." her hand rested on my cheek and I gave in to the touch. "Am I - Am I dead?"

"No. You are dreaming." Oh, that's nice. Maybe I'll come back to the others soon then, but now I could have some idea of the woman who raised me. "At least I can go back then."

"Yes, but first, just - know I love you." She took my hand and squeezed it, then she lit up in flames and I would've expected her to scream but instead she looked free. 

I woke up in a flash and was surrounded by a grimy blue. It was freezing and the metal at my ankles and wrists didn't help anything. I tried to bring the flame to my wrists but it was far too cold. I tried to summon flame to my throat but all that came out was smoke. I couldn't feel my knives, not that that would be any use anyway, I would just feel safer. I wish Kaz was here, he'd pick the locks in a second and I'd know I was safe.

How long has it been since I was put in here? There were two guards outside my door with what looked freezing cold water tied to their belts and they seemed to possibly be druskelle. I would be fucked if they were druskelle. I groan and they turn to me, "She's awake." they say in broken kerch, "Get Brum." Fuck.

I wonder what will happen to me. I know I'm wanted dead by everyone but the Grisha Triumverate as Zoya wants me so maybe Brum would take the pleasure of killing me himself. He was known to be lethal, would he take his time while I was encased in freezing metal, or would he make it quick. If anything I hope he makes it quick.

Or I hope the others come for me.

Or maybe I could use the opportunity to escape and find them myself.

Using the opportunity that will be given to me sounds like a better plan.