BAU Groupchat :) Criminal Minds x Reader

Happy Coming Out Day...Yay? (6)

5:30 PM

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bbygirl: hey guys, I just thought about this

bbygirl: we have no groupchat name

bbygirl: let's be BAU Badasses! Because that's what we are

BossyPants: Well this group chat was supposed to be for work purposes only

BossyPants: But since none of us actually discuss anything work related

BossyPants: sure

BossyPants named groupchat BAU Badasses

bbygirl: YAY!

HotStuff69: Hotch actually approved something from Garcia for once? I never thought I'd see the day! 😅

bbygirl: same I was genuinely so shocked 😳

BossyPants: shouldn't you girls be enjoying your day off?

HotStuff69: Well, my day off consists of laying around, doing nothing.

HotStuff69: I don't think I'm enjoying today

bbygirl: Emily and I are shopping rn but she's in the middle of trying on clothes

bbygirl: I think she has a date tonight

bbygirl: but she won't confirm it

JayJay: our girl has a date? I wonder with who.

EmCatLover: garcia, do you always have to tell people things? 😭

bbygirl: you basically just confirmed it for me, I was only guessing

bbygirl: but GET SOME GIRL AUDAJGDjgdkj

BossyPants: I hate that Jack decided to go stay with a friend tonight, otherwise I'd be ignoring all of you today

HotStuff69: go meet a woman Hotch lol

HotStuff69: or someone with a penis.

Hotstuff69: idk.

bbygirl: Y/N OGJKSHFUAHFUFJ I'M CRYING

ItalianSausage: what the hell did I just log onto?

JayJay: y/n is literally bored apparently

BossyPants: you don't know my sexual orientation y/n

HotStuff69: you don't know mine either so suck it 🥰

ItalianSausage: pansexual?

bbygirl: Mr. Sausage, why are you guessing y/n's sexual orientation? lol

JayJay: LMFAO NOT MR SAUSAGE 😭

ItalianSausage: can someone PLEASE change my name back to my regular name?!

HotChocolate: what is happening here

HotStuff69: Rossi thinks I'm pansexual

BossyPants: y/n thinks I'm bisexual or something

HotChocolate: can I just say something?

HotChocolate: you all are probably either gay, bisexual, pan or straight. I would like to guess. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong

HotChocolate: Hotch, you're straighter than a ruler. No fucking doubt about that. Y/N, you give me bisexual vibes or maybe pan vibes. let me know which one it is. Rossi is obviously straight. JJ is probably straight, but if not, bisexual.

HotChocolate: Emily, I can never tell with you. I have never seen you out with anyone other than Garcia, so my assumption is that you're a lesbo. Correct me if I am wrong.

HotChocolate: Garcia, loml, the stars to my sky, you my dear, you're pansexual. I already know this. 🥰

HotChocolate: As for Reid? I don't even fucking know. LOL My guess is straight.

HotStuff69: wow. Mine's spot on.

HotChocolate: which one are you? Pan or Bi?

HotStuff69: yes

EmCatLover: 😂😂😂😂😂

BossyPants: ok you got mine and Rossi's

BossyPants: But I can guarantee you that y/n is actually straight. she's just fucking you

BossyPants: *fucking WITH you

BossyPants: please don't actually fuck her.

BossyPants: would be against BAU protocol.

HotStuff69: LMAIJAHDAJKHS HOTCH 😭

HotChocolate: I love y/n to death but that would be like fucking my sister.

EmCatLover: where is reid so he can confirm his sexual orientation??

bbygirl: probably reading a good book

HotStuff69: isn't it a coincidence that I'm omw to his apartment now?

BossyPants: Why?

HotStuff69: Just because. I'm bored. I have no one to hang out with 😔

EmCatLover: Ok i'm just going to say this. Morgan you're right about me. I am, in fact, a lesbo and have a date tonight with the most gorgeous girl named Carolyne. Yes that's how you spell her name.

HotChocolate: I knew it.

BossyPants: Congrats

bbygirl: YAY YOU DESERVE LOVE EMILY 😍🥰😍🥰

HotStuff69: I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU 🥹

JayJay: Yay!! Have fun!

PrettyBoiThings: y/n made me join. idk why she's here, but what are we talking about?

bbygirl: emily just came out to us and has a date with a girl. morgan's guessing everyone's sexual orientation. btw Reid, what is yours?

HotStuff69: I asked him but he tried shoving my face out the door 😕

PrettyBoiThings: because nobody needs to know

EmCatLover: oh spencer don't be like that

PrettyBoiThings: why do you insist on wanting to know?

HotStuff69: pretty boy, you're being awfully sus. if you were straight, you'd just tell us. now i'm suspecting you're either bisexual or gay.

PrettyBoiThings: get out of my apartment y/n. please.

HotStuff69: not until you tell me.

HotStuff69: WHAT THE FUCK, HE THREW ME OUT. LITERALLY. I COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT 😡😡

BossyPants: what?

JayJay: are you ok?

HotStuff69: I'm going home.

HotStuff69 left the chat

EmCatLover: Spencer, what the hell did you do to y/n?

PrettyBoiThings: she's being overdramatic. I may have picked her up and tossed her out the door

bbygirl: you did what?

BossyPants: Reid, that's assault.

PrettyBoiThings: She didn't get hurt! I didn't see a mark on her or hear any bones being broken

HotChocolate: Reid-why do you get offended over everything?

PrettyBoiThings: Look I'll apologize at work on Monday. Until then, I have a right not to answer any stupid ass questions. My sexual orientation is NOBODY'S business except mine. If I wanted to tell you, I would.

PrettyBoiThings left the chat

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