Her

If Only I Could Talk

A Poem

If only it was so easy
If only it was so nice
If only it was so helpful
If only it didn't make me feel like ice

A spike in the legs I'm running on
A needle between each toe
A knife running down my back
That knife oh is it slow

The one thing I want in life
Is to talk to mine
Have a mirror in front of me
And let it out without a cry

I don't want to feel like I'm weak
But what am I
Am I what I think I am
Will I be that, no matter what I try

If only you knew
How much I've been running
If only I could talk
Without feeling like I'm falling

I feel like I'm sabotaging
Like a torn rope holding a weight
The weight of my thoughts
When sleeping doesn't feel great

I've always been running
Trying to find who I was
Turning my back on everyone
Leaving myself and feeling lost

My house doesn't feel like home
Surrounded by great people nonetheless
But never will I find peace
Unless it's in the arms of my blessed

My lady of love
The one I'm with
If only I could tell you
How you pulled me on the grid

I still don't know who I am
So I throw myself into the field
Wanting to use my body for the better
Because my mind isn't a shield

A soul for souls
A bullet for the bad
Am I any better
If all I do is said

The world seems dim
All but one light in my eyes
Everything is based on words
And words are based on lies

A star in the night sky
Nothing's ever brighter
Than the person that made me feel
A little lighter

With her I can fly
With her I can dream
With her I can sleep
With her I can feel

I haven't had it hard
Except for my own thoughts
Wanting to prove to others
That I too could be a star

I have people to make proud
A promise to make you smile
A promise I try to keep
At least for a little while

Until I give out
Give up and my legs shake
Until I start questioning
No, I can't wait

You have to run with me
Run alongside or in front
Show me the way
Where life can be found

My home is quite far
And I want to return
But if she leaves
I'm not sure in what I'd turn

Where is my love
Where is my heart
Where are my legs
If not in a pool of thoughts

I sound very depressed
I don't think I am
I come out of bed every day
I don't think I am

My loneliness was cured
Until it wasn't
Coming home and leaving
Running again and getting lost

Was I meant to keep on going
Or will there be a stop to this
Will my thoughts stop thinking
Or will that be something I'll miss

Can I go without thinking
How silent that would be
A thoughtless mind in an empty shell
Drained with love and just one story