Redemption

No matter the cost

It had been a week since Anakin left, and I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I replayed the moment we had just before he left, over and over. The way he grabbed me and picked me up. The way he gently set me down. The way he moved the hair out of my face and smiled at me. The way those beautiful blue eyes tore into me gracefully. And of course, the way he shoved me off of him.

I know something horrible had happened, but I couldn't help but think about the way he shoved me off. He could have been gentler, and it left me over thinking the entire situation. Did that moment mean anything to him, or did he have other things to care about? Was Ivan right? Was I just his toy?

Probably other things, he could never be interested in someone like me. I really needed to stop with the whole self sabotaging situation I always placed myself in, but I didn't.

It had been stressing me for every second of every day that had gone by. Ivan, Anakin, the whole nine constantly circling throughout my thoughts as I buried myself into a hole bigger than what I had originally started with.

No news had been reported of what happened yet, at least to me. I wasn't sure if they were hiding it from me or what, but I wasn't allowed to leave the temple while he was gone. Not sure why he cared whether or not I left, but it was orders, and I didn't have the energy to disobey like I usually would.

Which left me wandering the halls, over thinking every possibility to what could have happened.

The first thing that could've happened was Ivan didn't make it out of the rebel attack, and that was obvious. The second possibility was Anakin not returning, which was honestly highly unlikely. I knew he would come back, for fucks sake he's darth Vader, it almost felt like he was invincible.

Even though I knew he would be fine, I kept thinking about him. I couldn't help the fact that my thoughts circulated his name, his prescence, no matter how hard I tried not to. I denied to myself that I cared. I hated that I did.

My mind had also not let go of Ivan. He was my number one concern, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Countless restless nights staring at my ceiling thinking about the horrible things I'd do to anyone who hurt him. Countless nights pondering whether or not he was even still alive.

I decided to take another walk around the temple. These past few days I had done nothing but memorize every hall of this building. I had walked up each and everyone of them a thousand times. I had also become quite close with some of the clones, especially Rex. Me and him had definitely bonded over this whole week. I had even become comfortable enough to tell him my worries about Anakin and my brother Ivan, obviously leaving out the romantic feelings and the whole knowing he was actually Anakin. Although, I think he knew. He wasn't fooled very easily.

As I walked down the hall in my pajamas and black slippers, Rex appeared around the corner.

"M'lady, your up early. How are you feeling?" He asked contently as I walked past him.

"No better than yesterday" I replied with a sigh, sounding completely exhausted. I was genuienly just unbothered to even start a conversation right now, I just wanted to be alone. He hurried behind me to catch up, and I kept walking.

"Well, I have something-"

"Rex, with all due respect, I'm really not in the mood for conversation right now" I turned around to him quickly and stopped my walking.

"Your going to want to hear this." He spit out before I could walk away again, and my overthinking self instantly knew what it was about. My eyes widened at his statement and I nodded my head as I gulped. "Come with me, let's talk about this in private" and with that, he led the way to a more private place.