Redemption

Perfect •

The last few days had been rough, there was no denying that.

My emotions were all over the place. From crying night after night, I was completely exhausted. I found myself in the library a lot studying old Sith and Jedi textbooks. I had probably read 20 books by now, taking in as much knowledge as I could.

I wanted to increase my force knowledge, and my overall connection to the force, and honestly, the books were helping me to have a better understanding of why and how all of it worked. I even learned a small trick or two here and there.

Anakin also noticed the amount of time I was putting into the books, which I think he was worried, yet excited at the same time. That sounds odd, but I don't blame him. Me wanting to connect to the force more was probably really exciting for him, after all he was one of the only people in the galaxy that was experienced with it. As a matter of fact, I remember the other day one of the encounters we had... it was honestly exciting.

The other day

Flipping through the pages of the book, I thought more and more about the force, and less and less about Ivan. The whole idea of me reading these was to yes take my mind off of him, but in reality, I just wanted revenge. It was working a little too well, the whole "taking my mind off of it" plan. It worries me that I was barely affected by it anymore. It had only been a few days, and as each day went on, the more I dissociated myself from the situation.

I'd been through enough at this point, it really wasn't my first rodeo dealing with grief, so that made me feel a little bit better about it.

The In 36,453 BBY, philosophers and scientists from several Star systems gathered on Tython to share mystical knowledge. The Force was "discovered." Unfortunately, in 25,793 BBY, several Tythan scholars began using their knowledge of the Force to pursue power, leading to the beginning of the Force Wars.

"What are you reading?" I jumped at the sudden voice, hot breath hitting my neck. Someone was peering upon the book behind me, and as I looked back, I realized was just Anakin.

"Oh, just some books. Keeps my mind off of everything" I was lying. I wasn't really just trying to keep my mind off of things, and I'm pretty sure he picked up on that. "You scared me by the way" I laughed

I knew what I was really studying these books for, Revenge, but I didn't want to admit that to myself. So I had tricked my cognition to believe it was just to "keep my mind off of things". In all reality, I knew the real reason.

He reached over me, brushing past my shoulder in the process, and pointed to one of the words in the book. Even the slightest touch from him made me jump.

"The force wars. It's one of the first conflicts recorded between the light and the dark side" he retracted his hand away as he explained and i turned my head to look at him. "I get the feeling your not just reading this for no reason" he furrowed his brows at me and I knew I was defeated. I sighed and put the book down on the table.

"I'm just trying to learn a little bit more, that's all." I said in reply to him. I really wasn't just trying to learn more, and I knew that. The past few days I had definitely pushed Anakin away more than I needed to. He really was only trying to help, but I could deal with this on my own. There was a few times he tried to have some breakfast with me, which of course I did, but I wasn't much interested.