TW: Sh/sa discussed
SH if you need help: Crisis Text Line: crisistextline.org; Text 714 714, S.A.F.E. Alternatives: selfinjury.com; 1-800-DONT-CUT.
SA if you need help: Call this number: 1-800-656-4673 or RAINN: www.rainn.org; 800.656.HOPE (4673)
(You might not even read this or skip over it, and that's ok but I still want it to be here just in case.)
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A few hours passed, and AlvyIa lay cocooned under the covers with Emily's arms wrapped around her. Alvyia liked feeling safe but she didn't like the feeling of hospital clothes and un-showered hair. She looked up at Emily and said in a light-hearted tone,
"I should probably change my clothes. Those sweats Clara brought look pretty comfy right about now."
"I get it." Emily laughs softly, lifting the covers so the teen can crawl out of bed without tripping, gingerly Alyvia finds her way to the bathroom, sweatpants in hand. Undressing she notices one of her bandaids on her left arm needs to be changed, Shit. The teens exhausted body begs for her to lay on the cool floor with her face pressed against the tile, No I won't I'm strong. The teen tells herself, she looks in the mirror- she doesn't look strong her golden locks matted and messy sit a few inches shorter when what they actually are, black bags sit below each of her eyes, her cheeks have begun to sink in onto the bones behind them. I look like hell, she thought. People have been seeing me like this? God that's so embarrassing.
Begrudgingly the teen succumbs to her brain too tired to fight it, she slips back on the hospital pants and shirt she was wearing. Lowering herself to the ground, the tile felt good like a cool bath on her exhausted body a few stray tears escaped her eyes the pain radiating throughout her body. Emily could hear a few sniffles from where she sat on the chair reading her book. She wanted to give Ali her space but she didn't want her to possibly be hurt and not check either. In the end she decided it would be better to check than not.
"Ali?" Emily inquires standing outside the door.
"Mmmhmm'' A weak voice responded,
"Are you okay?"
"Mmmhmm'' Ali's voice cracked as she mumbled.
"I'm coming in okay?" Emily tested the waters,
"Mmmhmm"
Emily found the teen laying on the floor one hand by her side and one hand by her head, her eyes were glazed over. Emily knew the look, she knew it because JJ told her that she got that look too from time to time. JJ called it "Floating." Emily liked the name; it seemed lighter and airer than what was actually happening. Emily got down to the floor and laid herself in the same position as Ali, their heads a few inches apart.
"Ali?" The woman asked slowly, reaching for the teen's hand, she began to run her thumb over the teen's fingers in a soothing motion. The teen made no sound, no response, no movement to indicate that she felt Emily's hand holding hers.
"I'm here." Emily tried to reassure the girl knowing that it would take a minute before she could start trying to bring her down.
Ali hated the feeling- the feeling of being trapped outside of your body with no way back in. It always started with the feeling of cool water being dumped on her chest, like all the blood drained from around her heart. Then what felt like years but was only a few minutes the cold feeling would spread to the tips of her fingers and her feet cover her whole body in a cool menthol feeling. She then began to feel like the shadow in a Peter pan, floating away from her body. Her brain became mush and her heart began to pound but she couldn't move, she couldn't speak, it sometimes took hours before she could move again- she hated the feeling.
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FanfictionAlyvia is a girl who has been without a father since she was born, a mother since she was three, and without a caregiver since her grandmother died. Leaving her stranded as a ward of the US embassy and an international school in Singapore. With her...
