Find the light to face someday / purinz

Feelings

The group's schedule gets a little less hectic for a few weeks and Chaewon uses that fact to her advantage. She visits her members in their dorms and spends some time with all of them and then when they're finally left alone in the living room of the dorm Kazuha, Yunjin and her are living in (well, not her for the time being of course) for some privacy, Chaewon decides to finally talk to Yunjin about what happened a couple months ago and the reason behind it. Sweet, understanding Yunjin is too kind to not get her well deserved explanation and apology. The fact that it's already been a couple months since everything started is crazy the more Chaewon thinks about it but that's a thing to think about some other time, now it's time to finally talk.

"Can we...talk about something?" Chaewon starts and Yunjin immediately puts her phone away to give her girlfriend her full attention, her attentive eyes focused on the leader. "Of course we can. Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

Chaewon smiles at her, thinking it's really sweet of her to worry so much after Chaewon only said one sentence. "Nothing happened, don't worry" She reassures her girlfriend and puts her hand on top of Yunjin's hand. Her hand is unfairly pretty, she notices - everything about Yunjin is, both from the outside and inside. "I just wanted to finally talk about something that happened a while ago. Do you remember when I went on hiatus and...uhm...when I ignored you for a while?"

Yunjin sounds confused by the fact that they're talking about this seemingly out of the blue but she nods anyway, not voicing her questions about it out loud immediately and instead giving Chaewon the chance to lead the conversation. "Yeah, I do" She says without any hatred or hurt in her voice and Chaewon isn't sure if that means it's something that doesn't anger her and isn't hurtful to her anymore or if the girl is just good at not letting it show. If that's the case - that she's hiding how she really feels about this, that is - then the leader is a little sad and, if she has the right to even feel that way, even a little disappointed in her girlfriend for not coming clean about it.

"I wanted to tell you why I did that. I know I said I would tell you and then I didn't but at least...at least I'm doing it now...?" It's not meant to sound like a question but it ends up coming like that out of the shorter girl's mouth. A complicated emotion (at least it's hard for Chaewon to read) flashes on Yunjin's face and she shakes her head in protest.

"You don't have to. I've already forgiven you and it's all in the past anyway" The words must be said with the intention to soothe Chaewon but the girl doesn't just take her chance to let it go. She said that she will tell Yunjin everything and give her the explanation she deserves so she will do exactly that.

"But I want to, Yunjin-ah. Just hear me out, okay?"

"Okay" Yunjin still seems unsure but Chaewon decides that now is the time to talk about it so that they can move on from this already.

"I liked you for a long time, much longer than before we started dating. I've been in love with you since before debut, actually, and I always thought that it would be something I'd take to my grave, that it would be something no one would ever know. Especially not you" Chaewon starts, trying to make her voice come out even and confident. It feels weird: it's like her deepest secret has come to light now, like her chest is being freed from the weight of keeping quiet about her feelings and not telling a single soul throughout this time and yet it's not just freeing, it's kind of scary if Chaewon is being honest. How does she continue life now that she shared her biggest secret and burden with someone else? - it's not just someone either, it's the person who's the whole reason behind her secret as well.

"Me too" Yunjin lets out but it's so quiet that Chaewon almost doesn't catch it and she's not sure if she imagined it. "What was that?" She asks to make sure but her girlfriend shakes her head. "Don't worry about it, just continue talking" She smiles at her, squeezing her hand for some sort of comfort. And so Chaewon continues talking even as she feels sort of weird about being brushed off like that - whatever, she'll probably hear about this eventually if it was something truly important.

"Then I got put on hiatus and I just thought that this was the perfect opportunity to get over you. I never would have imagined that you would like me the same way I like you so I thought that it was a lost cause and that it would be better for both of us if I would get rid of my feelings" The girl takes a moment to sort her thoughts before continuing "Just not being physically around you was not enough for me to get over you so I thought that by...ghosting you and not having any contact with you at all would make it easier for me. I didn't even consider how it would make you feel" Chaewon has to bite back tears now and it leaves her feeling a little embarrassed.

"When you asked me why I did that I wanted to tell you, I really did but that meant that I would have to confess to you and...and I was so sure that I would get rejected and ruin everything between us...which, I know, is a bit funny considering that we're dating now" She looks at Yunjin to see her reaction and is surprised when she sees absolutely no amount of anger, disappointment or judgment on her face.

"Oh, unnie" She pulls her girlfriend in for a hug and the shorter girl happily melts into her. "Did you really not notice how whipped I was for you? Still am, by the way"

"No, I didn't. I thought it was one sided" Chaewon replies truthfully and Yunjin lets out a sympathetic noise.

They hug each other for a while before Yunjin speaks up again. "Thank you for telling me. At that time I was so frustrated and just sad I guess but now that you told me I get why you were hesitant about telling me" She kisses the top of Chaewon's head. "I'm so proud of you for doing it now, though. I've noticed that you've been talking about your feelings much more lately"

"Is that a good thing?" Chaewon asks to make sure. "A really good thing" Yunjin assures her which makes Chaewon let out a happy little sound.