Augustine

Chapter 31

His words put my heart on a chokehold.

And I want to tap out. I really do.

I want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Even if it's just words and he can't keep the promises he tells me.

I want him to lie to me.

His gaze threatens to burn a hole through the walls of stone I have worked all year to build up. It's sad that one single look can do that to me.

It's his eyes. Some say it's the portal to a person's soul, but I think you see what you want to see and for a second I can see the Aiden that was my best friend. The Aiden who would run through fire and water if it meant I was safe.

I want to let him in as much as I want to be let in, but I can't let myself stray into that blank space.

Too many variables and the odds are never in my favor.

I bite my lips and use my shoes as an excuse to look away. I was getting sucked into that black hole and I was being an all too willing participant.

"Fuck!" he slams his fist on the pillar next to him, making me flinch away from him. The fire hasn't been completely extinguished yet, but he's trying to keep it in check. "My car's this way."

He starts walking towards the parking lot without giving me a second look. The silence is deafening. All I can hear are the heavy sighs from the boy speeding away in front of me.

He hesitates when his car comes into view, but goes to the passenger side to open the door.

I mumble something along the line of a 'thank you' before stepping into the car and pulling my dress along with me.

The clicking of the blinker is the only sound that keeps me company as we drive out of the school's parking lot. That, and cries for help from the steering wheel captured beneath Aiden's tight grip.

The shadows contour his face, displaying his perfectly sculpted jawline. He stares straight ahead at the traffic light, a thousand questions running through his eyes.

"Are you gonna say anything or are you gonna keep staring?" he asks, his eyes never once leaving the road.

"I- uh did you come to the dance with anyone?" I stutter out the question. How he can see me while looking directly at the road is beyond me. Here I thought I could have a little private screening of his face.

"That's not what I meant."

I sigh. "Um I- uh I don't want to talk about it," I look out the window, finding the blurs of the shops we pass as a nice distraction.

"That's not what I meant either." He pauses using the fact we are at a stop light to close his eyes. "August, I'm trying to remain calm and stop myself from turning the car around and making him eat the dust on the floor. You need to do better at distracting me."

"I'm thinking about getting a cat." I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.

The last thing I want is to go back to the dance. Not only because I dread coming face to face with Connor again. But, because I'm not sure Aiden in the back of a police car is a pretty sight.

He chuckles, shaking his head. Probably thinking of the nut case I'm slowly becoming. "You hate cats."

"I changed my mind," I shrug, remembering the cat my grandparents have. He made me work for his love but, in the end, my chest was his favorite place to lay. "A cat was the best company I had for a total of 365 days, I can't hate them now."

"At your dads?"

"My grandparents."

"I thought you left with your dad." I can feel him peeking at me, but I continue to look at the street signs we pass.

We're about two minutes from my house.

"I did, but he just dropped me off. He said he needed space." He couldn't look at me. My uncanny resemblance to my mom and the secrets I kept were the culprit to that.

"Oh."

"It wasn't that bad," I smile, trying to lighten up the mood. "I got to bond with Tigger."

"The cat?"

"Mmhmm." I murmur, as we round the corner to my street. The sign of relief wastes no time in escaping my lips when my house comes into view.

"Thank you for the ride," I grab the handle, ready to bolt the second the car stops. "I- thank you for helping me tonight."

His jaw tightens instantly, making me regret my choice of words. "Your cat story almost made me forget."

"Can you promise me something?" I ask, suddenly feeling self-conscious about the whole situation. "I know you don't owe me anything, but could you please keep this between us?"

The lines between his eyebrows come together. "August-," he starts, but I cut him off.

"Please?" I look down, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. "I don't want anyone to know."

The car finally comes to a stop, but the plan to jump out has left the space it was taking up in my brain.

I'm about to give up and just run when he says the words I've been waiting to hear. "I promise."

"Thank you," I exhale. Some of the weight that is currently crushing me gets lifted from my shoulders. It's still there but at least it's not suffocating me. I guess I'll get to live for a couple more days.

"Can you promise me something too?" he asks, the seriousness in his voice putting me on edge all over again. "A promise for a promise?"

"Okay." I nod my head, while biting my lip.

How bad can it be?

He hesitates for a second before letting the words tumble out of his mouth. "Please, don't run away this time."