Coming out

Summer lovin'

had me a blast~ I won't spontaneously burst into Grease, don't worry. My summer only got better from that point, each day I spent hours, playing away on games with Reece, Rob and now Harry which I couldn't of been more happy about. I found myself constantly smiling while on call with him and I was being happy slapped with reality as I still felt in a daze that I was friends with him again. During this time I felt so blessed to be able talk to him like I use to. Throughout all of summer I didn't really think about my feelings towards him, I was so overjoyed with being his friend again that I didn't give myself time to consider any feelings I may of had at the time. There was one time I remember during the holiday where I really did sit down and actually began to seriously consider if I liked him more than a friend.

The overwhelming delight of being his friend again was now under control and I felt calmer and more casual with him again and it almost felt as if nothing bad ever happened between us. Rob had planned to go to the cinema with me and Harry to see Guardians of the galaxy. I was ecstatic over the idea as I was finally able to see them both after about a month of not seeing them. We all met outside the cinema, got our tickets and quickly took to our seats. The movie was amazing and I do recommend it to everyone! Go buy the DVD now! The movie ended and we had to all wait for a lift. Rob was the first to go so it was just me and Harry left. We sat down outside and chatted casually, he talked about how he had been working at the allotment his dad as we were on the topic of shoes and I remarked on the dirt on his. We talked about a few others things before his mum got there and he said his goodbyes and left. I was alone, but I felt okay, over the moon in fact. It felt amazing, speaking to him alone and just chatting like it use to be, it left me with butterflies in my stomach and a constant dazed expression over my face, with a large grin stretching over the width of my face. I'll go as far to say I enjoyed them 10 minutes with Harry more so than the entire movie, it was so nice to be around him and talk like we use to. After this event it led me to begin thinking about the feelings I may of had, Did I love him as more than a friend? or was it more so due to me just being able to talk and be around him again after so long of not being able to? I honestly couldn't distinguish which it was so I nullified the thought and didn't think about it again for most of the holiday.

It wasn't until Rob again asked if we wanted to go see a movie. It was then I started to steer more towards the thought of me liking him. Rise of the Planet of the apes I recommend this one too! We met at Morrisons this time as we wanted to get some snacks. I was late, like usual so they just got snacks without me which I didn't mind or we would of been late for the movie. I gave my self a mental slap when I actually thought to myself damn Harry is looking good today. He had nothing special on, just a normal tee-shirt with jeans and trainers. He did look a lot cuter though with his new hairstyle; half way through year 11 he had his hair cut so it was a lot more tamed and it pointed sort of towards the center of his forehead. It was not styled though, it was loose and natural looking. I kept my cool while we walked to the cinema but as I kept glancing at him I did feel quite attracted towards him because in all fairness he was good looking. However, at the same time it felt so weird and so strange to be saying this about him. Even though I had admitted to myself I was bisexual it felt odd saying it about a friend and also the big factor of him being straight kind of made me feel worried to look at him this way. I had practically only just become friends with him again and I didn't want to ruin it because every straight guy knows, they feel a bit uncomfortable and sometimes scared to know a guy likes them. We got into the cinema and it was quite funny as Harry predicted the most obvious line and Rob complained he ruined the movie for him (it was the most predictable line, even I predicted it). The movie finished and I really enjoyed it; this time my dad got there quickly and I was the first to go. I sat in the shower later that day and reflected for at least an hour about the thoughts I had for Harry. With each thought I reflected on, I was more certain that I had feelings for him beyond friendship. Despite my certainty, I still didn't admit to liking him.