Coming out

The second hopeless romance

Congratulations to me! I had got over my feelings for Harry! Round two commences! Feelings for my friend Jack! Yes people, I didn't learn my lesson first time round about falling for straight guys! He was one of the new friends I had made in college. He had wavy blonde hair, blue-ish eyes and was around similar height to me. He was skinny and I later found out he weighed less than me...this was a surprise as I am a rake myself. I can't quite remember how he began to do it but he played quite the flirt. He started to always address me as 'bae' and I thought it was actually quite cute. I laughed it off always at his cheeky little game and I decided to play along. We constantly addressed each other as bae and always said we loved each other. I don't know how he was so calm about being this way towards a gay guy. Everyone use to say I don't know how you do it Astbury. I even chipped in and agreed with them. However, I enjoyed it as it almost felt like a real relationship, I really knew it wasn't but it made me feel really happy. He made me feel good about myself and it was really cute to share this bond with him.

After about a week of this, I started to fall into a few deeper feelings for him. With all the jokes I was feeling heavily attracted to him, can you really blame me? I'm god damn gay and a guy was saying I love you to me and hugging me, he even held my hand at one point. He had a girlfriend so that sort of kept me at bay and made me realize he was kidding around but like always, I didn't let reality stop me. I had talked to him before in the past about his sexuality when he broke up with his ex. He started joking around, flirting with me back then and people were genuinely asking him if he was gay. He completely disregarded the idea at first but after a few had asked and I think he had a bit of time to think about it he was actually debating whether he was bisexual or not. I asked him myself but he just said he might of been feeling a bit mixed up and confused. When he got a girlfriend again I was pretty certain he was straight. Despite this though, I hung onto the eventuality that he might break up with his girlfriend and come out bisexual and we could date. Me and the guys always said to him your relationship with Imogen seems to be so weak. I had to agree, it wasn't because I wanted him it was because it was the truth. They could pass each other in a hallway and not even say hi to each other.

To the love guru! I messaged Shannon about the situation and how I now felt towards him. With everything I told her about Jack with how he had questioned his sexuality she thought it could be a possibility. Even she said that this was good for me and she really hoped we got together. In comparison to my crush on Harry, this wasn't as deep nor painful to consider the reality of him being straight as I did have a bit of hope he might be bisexual. I went through a phase of about three weeks where I had fallen for him. We still continued our flirty jokes with the whole bae situation but I think I pushed beyond the boundaries. With a few things I said I think I did scare him a little and despite how easy going he was, it was even scaring him. Through his texting I slowly saw a decline in his flirt; his kiss emojis reduced from ones with the love heart to just the opened eyed peck and eventually to nothing. I didn't feel too much pain when I realized we wouldn't ever be together. I hadn't grown as attached or grew with this love for him subconsciously for three years like I had with a certain someone. After I realized I had scared him out of his flirting game I broke my tether of love I had for him beyond friends.

After this I didn't feel as much pain and I actually felt free. I wasn't falling for anyone that was straight any more and I had learned my lesson, never should a gay guy fall for a straight guy. It NEVER works.