The Only Exception.

Im A Monster

"No, I'm sorry." Paris stressed out as she bent down on the floor next to me. "I ripped your letter and I am so sorry, I taped it Back the best way I could." She told me.

I let out a deep breath feeling defeated.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" Paris asked wiping her tears before she opened the cabinet getting out the first aid kit.

I allowed her to take my arm into her care as she attempted to treat my scars.

"I shouldn't have ever come here." I blurted out as I looked at the before girl beside me.

He head tilted up in confusion. "What?" She questioned.

"I shouldn't have ever came into your life." I told her. "You cannot be with me." I said. "I am no good." I breathed out truthfully.

She shook her head. "That's not true." She argued.

I stared at her bracing myself for what I knew I had to tell her.

It was time.

"Paris there is something I have to tell you." I said. "But once I do you have to promise not to judge me, promise that you will see me as the same person I was before." I stressed out.

She nodded.

"No you have to promise. " I told her. "Please, I need to hear you promise." I begged desperately.

"I promise." She said.

I nodded grateful to hear those words."it was two years ago." I began.." Two years ago, i was dating this girl named Adrianna. " I told Paris.

"back in those days i was a typical sophomore in highschool, young, foolish and clueless on the importance of love. " I admitted.

She nodded letting me know she was following.

"i was the biggest player that ever walked the school grounds." I told her. "but somehow Adrianna still stayed with me and i couldn't understand why. " I said.

I took a deep breath before continuing.

"Adrianna would always tell me that i meant the world to her." I said smiling slightly. "She would tell me that if she didn't have me, she'd be nothing." I informed Paris. " I never paid Adriana any mind when she began to talk like that, because in reality i didn't plan to stay with her for long, it was just something for the moment." I said.

Paris swallowed as she kept her eyes focused on me.

" one day in school Adriana's ex boyfriend, kevin came up to me. he was talking all kinds of bullshit about how i lost my game and how im not a player anymore since Adriana had me tied down." I said. " and me being the egoistic teenage boy that I was, I had to feed into his game. I assured him that I would always be more of a player than he could ever be."

"He wanted me to prove it, and he said the only way he will believe I was the same old Jacob is if I slept with Adriana's sister." I breathed out.

I stopped for a moment to try to read Paris expression, but it was extremely hard to read.

"Of course I excepted the challenge and later that day, it was on." I said. " Adrianna had cheerleading practice so it couldn't have been a more perfect time." I explained. "i drove over to Arianna's house and her sister answered the door, she had a confused expression on her face so that's when i knew it was time to turn on my charm. " I said with a distraught chuckle.

"she asked me what i was doing here, that's when I let her know I was there for her." I explained. "She was iffy at first but soon gave in, it was easier than expected because she always had a crush on me." I said. "And after feeding her all of the right things telling her what she wanted to hear, I had her right where I wanted her." I finished.

"Not only did I have sex with Adriana's sister, but I did it in Adriana's bed." I admitted feeling disgusted with myself as I thought back to it.

A small gasp escaped Paris mouth as she listened.

"As if things couldn't get any worse, Adriana walked in on me banging her sister." I stressed out. "She kept asking why why why." Over and over.

"And instead of even trying to give her an answer I zipped my pants up and told her that her sister was a much better lay then I was out the door leaving that girl to self destruct." I said as my hands began to shake.

It was like I was reliving this moment all over again.

"Go on." Paris encouraged

"when i got home later that night, Adrianna began to call me over and over again." I told Paris. "and i ignored every call." I admitted as I began to feel sick to my stomach.

"the next day at school i felt no remorse from my actions, I continued with life like I didn't just destroy someone else's." I choked out. "By the time lunch came, everyone began to run outside, out of curiosity I followed them out into the parking lot where they all stared up at the top of the building."

"My eyes nearly popped out as I saw Adrianna standing up on the ledge." I breathed out remembering that day.

"I ran back into the school take the stairs all the way up to the top floor running out of the roof top. 'Adriana!' I screamed. "

"'Take another step and I'll jump' she told me. So I just stood there as I watched this Broken girl standing on the ledge. After a few seconds she asked if I remembered what she always told me, at first I was confused until it finally hit me. She always would say that if she couldn't have me she would be nothing."

"I didn't believe her until that very moment." I admitted.

I closed my eyes as I began to reply those events in my head. "I love you Jacob, but you didn't love me. Was Adriana's last words before she jumped off the ledge landing head first into the windshield of a car."

Paris's eyes opened in terror.

"I didn't have to even look down to know she was dead." I admitted. "That young girl killed herself, because of me." I said.

Paris remained quiet.

"A few days after the accident my life turned upside down. Everyone turned against me." I explained. "I became the person everyone hated.. I was a monster."

"I had no one, except the ones that truly matter." I smiled slightly. "My mom and my bestfriends. " I smiled as I thought back to how much they have always been there for me. "They would tell me that it wasn't my fault. But in reality I knew it was and what tore me up inside is that I couldn't do anything about it."

"That's when the cutting began, I planned to cut myself everyday just so that I can get an idea of pain. Like the pain Adrianna must felt to want to end her life." I stressed out.

"After that moment I have never been the same... I turned into someone so dark, so unlikeable." I admitted. "It's like I was trapped inside of a dark room, and you Paris are the only one with a key."
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