~What If~

Chapter 18

I stay frozen in place, my hand in my robe pocket trying to grasp for the hairpin which wasn’t there.

“Huaisang! What’s wrong with you!?” My brother yells out in shock as he looks at the blanket I had thrown off my lap very abruptly, fallen to the floor. And my very pale expression.

“Brother Nie?” I hear Brother Wei ask, genuinely concerned. 

“M-my…” I trail off,  "the hairpin, it's not in my pocket," I say sadly.

I can't believe I lost the hairpin, especially since it was a gift from both Xichen-ge and Jiang Cheng, not to mention my very first gift from them.

“I-I don’t know where I lost it!” I cry out, as I think about everything that happened today, “Was it when I ran? Or when I went into the prison cells? Or-or when I was dragged out by the Wen disciples?” I rant out loud to myself.

I search my memories, coming up with no instance as to where or when I could’ve lost it. How could I have been so reckless!? I had ran and fell so many times that I lost count. It could be anywhere by now.

“Huaisang!” My brother gets up putting both his hands on my shoulders, “Calm down…” He says, his brown eyes soften slightly at my distraught expression. He squeezes my shoulders in reassurance. 

From the corner of my eye, I see Brother Wei come behind my brother, shooting me a soft smile and mouthing “It’s fine.” I nod taking deep breaths, trying to calm down.

“Right…” I exhale out, “Sorry Da-ge I just don’t want to lose it…” I trail off. He didn’t know about my feelings for Xichen-ge and Jiang Cheng, so I couldn’t tell him about the main reason behind my fear.

My brother stares at me for a second, before I see his mouth tighten as if he had made a decision. He shakes his head as he sighs, letting go of my shoulders and standing up. 

“I’ll ask one of the disciples to look around for it.” He says, making his way to the door of my room. He slides the door open and walks out. It shuts behind him right after.

I let out a sigh, as I feel Brother Wei sit down next to me on the bed. His weight sagging the bed.

Hopefully, it will be found soon, I look at my hands fidgeting with them. I couldn’t even get up to search for it myself because of my injury. Not to mention Da-ge wouldn’t be happy if I got out of bed right now. I let out another frustrated sigh.

“Don’t worry Brother Nie.” Brother Wei says, I look up at him from my lap and smile softly. 

“I’ll try my best” I answer truthfully, trying to soothe his concern. Even if I was worried, making the people around me feel down wouldn’t be right.

 He grins, his eyes turning into little crescents as he pats my shoulder in reassurance.

“Do not worry. It will be found soon.” Wangji states I glance at him. He was standing still in his place, as he gazes down at me with an unbending stance. 

I nod back at him, grateful for both his and Brother Wei’s support and kind words.

“Thanks, you two.” I beam back at them just as the door opens again. I feel my heart thump with excitement, did Da-ge find it already!?

My brother walks inside and I tilt my head side to side, even narrowing my eyes to spot something in his hands. But as he gets closer I see that they are empty. I feel disappointment overshadow me.

“You didn’t find it yet?” I ask him.

“No. But I did tell them to search for it.” He says, standing near the foot of my bed close to where Wangji was.